Christmas Dinner Savers
The Sequel to Christmas Savers
Christmas came and went and the man stood outside the little boys house on new years eve. his wife was holding his hand. she leaned over and whispered "go on. he is expecting you." the man reached out to knock on the door, but before he could touch the door, it swung open revealing an ecstatic little boy dressed in worn jeans and a sweater with fireworks on it. "HI!" he said excitedly! "You came! you must be his girlfriend." the little boy said grabbing their hands and tugging them inside. the mans wife giggled "his wife." "oh, your pretty." the mans wife smiled and hugged the little boy "thank you. you are pretty cute yourself." the little boy snickered and ran into the next room shouting "momma! their here!" "oh, hello! i am so glad you came! he has been waiting by that door all day long waiting for you." the lady said gesturing toward the boy as she appeared from the room. "come into the dining room." she turned and went back into the room.
the mans wife gasped quietly hiding her face. the dining room consist of a folding table with thirteen folding chairs surrounding it. on the table was a table cloth (blanket was improvised), a bowl of beans with bacon, another of corn, and a plate of sugar cookies. only enough for two tiny proportions.
Nine little boys and girls filed into the room smiling grimly. "hello." they each said as they passed the couple. they nodded their heads silently in turn. they each took a chair and took turns scooping up a spoonful of beans or corn. the mother leaned over the children and cut the two cookies into thirteen pieces. "i am sorry that its not more, but i work four jobs and this is all we can afford after paying for the bills and rent." the man spoke suddenly "mam," the lady looked at him. "i would like to treat your family to a new years dinner." the children gasped and the mother put a hand to her heart. "why, i cant except that! not with ten children to buy for. no, no, no, i could not let you do that!" the man wrapped his arm around the lady. "fine, ill make you let me." the lady smiled up at him and his wife clasped her hands together. "lets get going then. do you kids have any good jackets?" the children shook their heads. "okay, do you have any long sleeved shirts or pants?" again the children shook their heads. "well, we will just have to change that." said the man. the lady wrapped her long scrawny arms around the man then scurried over to his wife. The man gathered the children and they all rushed out the door.
They reached the clothing store and all of the children hurried into the store excitedly. The man said to his wife “take the girls. Let them get as many clothes as they please. Tell their mother to go and pick out some clothing for herself.” They split and the man shopped with the boys as the wife shopped with the girls. The mother shopped for herself.
Two hours later they had eleven cart filled with clothes; shoes, underwear, jackets, shirts, sweaters, pants, shorts, swimwear, and socks. The man looked at the children. “now, anybody want toys, music, pillows, or anything else in this store?” the children cheered and took off with new carts. The man spoke with the manager who had employees watch the other cart while the children shopped even more.
When they returned three hours later they each had a cart full of toys. The mother had new blankets, sheets, pillows, towels, soap, shampoo, deodorant, rugs, pots, pans, silverware, plates, bowls, paper towels, and napkins overflowing in three carts. In a separate cart she had the things she wanted instead of toys. Books, music players, CDs, a watch, and jewelry. As well as the cell phone, house phone, and laptop that the mans wife insisted on. The man had agreed to pay the phone bills.
The manager had employees check them out on one register. The man whispered into his ear and the manager smiled and typed a number into the register. He motioned over another employee who nodded and dashed to the back off the store. When it was all checked out the manager looked the man straight in the eye. “Sir, for your generosity toward this family I have decided to give you seventy-five percent off of your total. As well as a five hundred thousand dollar gift certificate to this lady.” He said gesturing toward the mother. She gasped and broke into tears.
Employees were pushing the carts out to the moving trucks they had called as the man who had run to the back of the store cam running toward the register with three carts full of two new TVs, game systems, and hundreds of games for the game systems.
The children screamed and ran to the man spending all of this money on them.
“Now how about we go eat and then go back to your house to look at what you got.” The children screamed in agreement. The man looked at the mother. “Mam, when you get home you will find a new van.”
The lady smiled at the man and his wife. “You have given me and my children a new start. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”
The day after Christmas the man and his wife had to move out of there large home to live in a motel. The money that they had spent on the family was the money for their rent.
Give, and you will receive.
Read the next story to figure out what I mean by that.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Love Ya’ll
Autumn
A Christmas Joy Savers story. the sequel to my last story. its copy right. just like my other.?
True Meaning of Christmas
Just a week before Christmas I had a visitor. This is how it happened. I just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed, when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened the door to the front room and to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out next to the fireplace.
"What are you doing?" I started to ask. The words choked up in my throat and I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager, boisterous soul we all know. He then answered me with a simple statement . . .
"TEACH THE CHILDREN!" I was puzzled. What did he mean? He anticipated my question and with one quick movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree. As I stood bewildered, Santa said, "Teach the children!
Teach them the old meaning of Christmas. The meaning that now-a-days Christmas has forgotten. "Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE and placed it before the mantle. "Teach the children that the pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man's thoughts turning toward heaven."
He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR. "Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the star was the sign of fulfillment of His promise."
He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE. "Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the light of the world, and when we see this great light we are reminded of He who displaces the darkness."
Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH and placed it on the tree. "Teach the children that the wreath symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love is one continuous round of affection."
He then pulled from his bag an ORNAMENT of himself. "Teach the children that I, Santa Claus, symbolize the generosity and good will we feel during the month of December."
He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF. "Teach the children that the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly berries represent the blood shed by Him.
Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said, "Teach the children that God so loved the world that he gave his begotten son." Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift.
Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE and hung it on the tree. "Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane is the symbol that we are our brother's keeper."
He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL. "Teach the children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang Glory to God in the highest, on earth peace and good will toward men."
Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag he pulled out a BELL,. "Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should ring mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return.
Santa looked back and was pleased. He looked back at me and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said, "Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas and do not put me in the center, for I am but a humble servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship him, our LORD, our GOD."
discount makeup
Saturday, July 25, 2009
How can people be so ignorant? Details...?
Alright I'm at Wal-Mart last night getting a few things. As I was leaving, there was this lady with her two kids. The little girl was probably 4 and the little boy was probably 1. Well it's about 40 degrees outside and all 3 of them are pretty well dressed--except for the fact that the 1 yr. old doesn't have shoes or socks on. He's outside in 40 degree weather with nothing on his feet. He's bawling and his feet are red. I'm just thinking to myself "How ignorant can you get?" I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out "Hey, it's cold out. Might wanna put something on my kid's feet before we go." It's not like they were poor or anything. They had a nice car, kids were dressed nicely, they weren't dirty, etc. so I'll give the mom the benefit of the doubt there. But really--how stupid can you get? That 4 yr. old little girl could probably figure it out better than her mom that "I think baby brother needs some shoes on.." What do you think about parents like that?
How can people be so ignorant? Details...?
i actually was in that situation one day behind this lady only it was winter like 0 out and i kept thinking to myself poor baby what is wrong with this woman and i dont know what came over me but before i knew it i was saying out loud i would buy some socks for my child instead of candy.. the woman said what and the look on the cashiers face was like omg... all i could do at that point was repeat it so i did... thinking here it goes i am going to get smacked lol but all she did was storm out of the store the cashier said i cant beilieve you did that i said yea me either lol but some people shouldnt have any kids what kills me even more is when a mom and dad come in dressed in coats and hats and there kid is in a t-shirt come on if your cold dont you think the child is too...
Reply:MAybe he had just kicked them off when he had got into the store...my daughter used to do that..she likes her feet to be cold. I dont know why but she always does that...i used to put her shoes back on but its just a fight back and forth. So maybe she just stuck them in her shopping cart and was letting it go. I dont know what the case was but i know ive been proably considered guilty of that a time or two
Reply:there are a lot of ignorant people. but before you judge people you should think about maybe there is a reason why the kids feet are bare. i have a one yr old and she ALWAYS kicks her shoes and socks off. or maybe the baby had something wrong with her feet so she wasnt supposed to put anything on them. really, you never know.
Reply:The one year old probably took his socks and shoes off in the store and the mother was too busy to put them back on.
Reply:well I think she should figure it out before her child ends up in the ER.Because little children like that can get ill faster than teens/adults
sunburns
How can people be so ignorant? Details...?
i actually was in that situation one day behind this lady only it was winter like 0 out and i kept thinking to myself poor baby what is wrong with this woman and i dont know what came over me but before i knew it i was saying out loud i would buy some socks for my child instead of candy.. the woman said what and the look on the cashiers face was like omg... all i could do at that point was repeat it so i did... thinking here it goes i am going to get smacked lol but all she did was storm out of the store the cashier said i cant beilieve you did that i said yea me either lol but some people shouldnt have any kids what kills me even more is when a mom and dad come in dressed in coats and hats and there kid is in a t-shirt come on if your cold dont you think the child is too...
Reply:MAybe he had just kicked them off when he had got into the store...my daughter used to do that..she likes her feet to be cold. I dont know why but she always does that...i used to put her shoes back on but its just a fight back and forth. So maybe she just stuck them in her shopping cart and was letting it go. I dont know what the case was but i know ive been proably considered guilty of that a time or two
Reply:there are a lot of ignorant people. but before you judge people you should think about maybe there is a reason why the kids feet are bare. i have a one yr old and she ALWAYS kicks her shoes and socks off. or maybe the baby had something wrong with her feet so she wasnt supposed to put anything on them. really, you never know.
Reply:The one year old probably took his socks and shoes off in the store and the mother was too busy to put them back on.
Reply:well I think she should figure it out before her child ends up in the ER.Because little children like that can get ill faster than teens/adults
sunburns
Why is it so easy to just sum people up in five seconds?or so we think and when we actually ask the person....
I think you know what im driving at here you and I both have done it, a guy walking down the street at night with his black hoodie pulled up we automatically think hes someone we need to avoid due to learned behaviors, a woman dressed in a collar short sleeve shirt shorts and dock shoes and a ball cap with short hair is automatically gay, a guy with a good clean hair cut and clean shaven face and sharp appearance that has a switch to his gait is automatically gay, someone wearing all black with black hair is automatically goth, someone with long hair and beard tee shirt and jeans is automatically a druggie, a black guy wearing a doo rag wants to rob your quickie mart, a lady wearing a short skirt and halter top with high heels on with long hair is a prostitute, I think you get the picture and that was one of the longest run on sentences ever made in the history of english. Um so yea why were most of us brought up this way to perceive people in this light? Why see only what is learnt?
Why is it so easy to just sum people up in five seconds?or so we think and when we actually ask the person....
If it's all you know and nobody show's you any different, it's hard to see any other way. Plus, I lot of people are too lazy to seek the truth. Goes for Pit Bulls all the time. They hear a person is attacked or something on the news, they believe all pits are that way. They don't check out websites and read up on them and all the good things they do. They don't check out the facts and see a lot of dogs look like pits and those are also the so called "pits" that attacked someone. People like to take the easy way out, just believe something is true from a bad experience, word of mouth, or the news. It's very sad, huh?
peeling skin sunburn
Why is it so easy to just sum people up in five seconds?or so we think and when we actually ask the person....
If it's all you know and nobody show's you any different, it's hard to see any other way. Plus, I lot of people are too lazy to seek the truth. Goes for Pit Bulls all the time. They hear a person is attacked or something on the news, they believe all pits are that way. They don't check out websites and read up on them and all the good things they do. They don't check out the facts and see a lot of dogs look like pits and those are also the so called "pits" that attacked someone. People like to take the easy way out, just believe something is true from a bad experience, word of mouth, or the news. It's very sad, huh?
peeling skin sunburn
Please don't wear high heels to my outdoor reception...you'll sink in the grass! How else can I word this?
I was shoe shopping today with my bridesmaid and the sales lady mentioned to me that she had gone to a gorgeous outdoor reception BUT the only problem was that women wore heels and they were sinking in the grass the whole night. She thinks I should mention to my female guests not to wear heels. I didn't think mentioning the dress code in the invite was good. My sister and mother seem to think that women will figure it out on their own. How do you think I should handle this?? Do you think the reception card could read "Bring your sandals and join us for dinner and dancing under the stars" (it will be tented...that's the only catch) Can someone please come up with something better??? Thanks so much!
Please don't wear high heels to my outdoor reception...you'll sink in the grass! How else can I word this?
hahah this is a great question....so...last summer same thing happened to me...we got invited to a wedding, and it was at a winery...so i assumed it was going to be outside, but I still decided to wear heels, because after all it was a formal wedding and i wasn't going to wear sandals or whatever....so when i got there, i definitely did sink into the grass during the ceremony, but it wasn't the end of the world...so did about 50 other woman. Then for the reception, they had a huge bucket thing, and it was decorated really nice...and it had like 50 pairs of those cheapy flip flops from like Target or wherever...and it had a cute little rhyme, cant remember what it said, but something basically saying to grab a pair for dancing. So it was very thoughtful of them to provide that for all their guests! Anyways, I wouldn't worry about warning your guests - they will survive, and I dont think they will be mad at you or anything if they do sink! :)
Reply:What a load of ****, let them wear what they want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:Just buy a whole bunch of flip flops for the women who do wear heels to put on their feet so they are not sinking. That is what I am doing. Also, put that little poem on a seperate card in your invite. They should get the hint, but for those that don't make sure you have some flip flops for them.
Reply:What you can do is add a small 'dress code' card with the invitation and RSVP and just say:
Low heels are suggested for women attending the wedding, as it will be held outdoors.
We did that for my best friend's wedding. All the women wore low heels. They got the message.
Reply:You can just spread it by word of mouth, I too think it would be a little tacky to just put on the invite, although I do like your bring your sandals idea.
Most females should be able to figure it out if the invite says outdoor reception!.
good luck
Reply:Wedding guests choose their attire based on the time of day and setting of the event. If any of them have ever been outside in their lives, they know without being told that heels will sink into the grass. Put this one on your "things I don't need to worry about" list.
Reply:I hate to sound harsh but if they're not smart enough to work that out themselves then it serves them right if their heels sink in the grass.
Reply:You can assume some of them will figure it out, but maybe you should purchase a bunch of cheap flip flops in different sizes, so if anyone needs a pair, they are handy. I was at an outdoor wedding, it was a pretty formal affair, but for the reception it was nice to have some comfy shoes, and everyone got a pair! What a great favor too! %26amp;it wasn't tacky at all. Just an idea!
Reply:How about a little poem?
The wedding reception will be held on the grass
Don't wear high heels or you will fall on your ***
Reply:If they know it's going to be outside in advance, that's the sort of thing your guests need to think of themselves. It's not your responsibility.
Reply:I wouldn't say "sandals", because some women think sandals include the high-heeled strappy ones. I would say "Bring your flats for dinner and dancing under the stars" or you could say "in our romantic pavillion". If you have too many qualms about writing it on the invite, just spread it through word-of-mouth. I actually set up a website on one of the bridal sites and referred my guests there for more details about the location, driving directions, and other things I could think of I thought was important for my quests to know.
Reply:Tough question. A part of me wants to say they will figure it out, but I don't think all of the guest will. So I do love your idea, you could leave it, and dinner, but I don't think anyone will fault you for not saying under the big tent. Also, if it is a huge problem some guest may decide to go barefoot when they are not on the dance floor.
Reply:Most woman know not to wear spiked heels to an outdoor event. Mention it verbally to woman you know (also have your mom, aunts do the same). If you haven't rented a dance floor, do so. I'm not sure if you have one or not.
Reply:Just indicate in the invitation the following:
Attire: Semi-Formal
No-nos: Spiked heels for women
Reply:Most women will already know that if it's an outdoor wedding, they risk sinking in if they wear certain heels. I don't think that there is a need to say anything on the invite.
Reply:Honestly, I don't think that sales lady knows too much about invitation etiquette if she suggested mentioning this to your guests. If your guests know you'll be getting married outside, they should know better than to wear high heels.
Reply:OMG
peeling skin
Please don't wear high heels to my outdoor reception...you'll sink in the grass! How else can I word this?
hahah this is a great question....so...last summer same thing happened to me...we got invited to a wedding, and it was at a winery...so i assumed it was going to be outside, but I still decided to wear heels, because after all it was a formal wedding and i wasn't going to wear sandals or whatever....so when i got there, i definitely did sink into the grass during the ceremony, but it wasn't the end of the world...so did about 50 other woman. Then for the reception, they had a huge bucket thing, and it was decorated really nice...and it had like 50 pairs of those cheapy flip flops from like Target or wherever...and it had a cute little rhyme, cant remember what it said, but something basically saying to grab a pair for dancing. So it was very thoughtful of them to provide that for all their guests! Anyways, I wouldn't worry about warning your guests - they will survive, and I dont think they will be mad at you or anything if they do sink! :)
Reply:What a load of ****, let them wear what they want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply:Just buy a whole bunch of flip flops for the women who do wear heels to put on their feet so they are not sinking. That is what I am doing. Also, put that little poem on a seperate card in your invite. They should get the hint, but for those that don't make sure you have some flip flops for them.
Reply:What you can do is add a small 'dress code' card with the invitation and RSVP and just say:
Low heels are suggested for women attending the wedding, as it will be held outdoors.
We did that for my best friend's wedding. All the women wore low heels. They got the message.
Reply:You can just spread it by word of mouth, I too think it would be a little tacky to just put on the invite, although I do like your bring your sandals idea.
Most females should be able to figure it out if the invite says outdoor reception!.
good luck
Reply:Wedding guests choose their attire based on the time of day and setting of the event. If any of them have ever been outside in their lives, they know without being told that heels will sink into the grass. Put this one on your "things I don't need to worry about" list.
Reply:I hate to sound harsh but if they're not smart enough to work that out themselves then it serves them right if their heels sink in the grass.
Reply:You can assume some of them will figure it out, but maybe you should purchase a bunch of cheap flip flops in different sizes, so if anyone needs a pair, they are handy. I was at an outdoor wedding, it was a pretty formal affair, but for the reception it was nice to have some comfy shoes, and everyone got a pair! What a great favor too! %26amp;it wasn't tacky at all. Just an idea!
Reply:How about a little poem?
The wedding reception will be held on the grass
Don't wear high heels or you will fall on your ***
Reply:If they know it's going to be outside in advance, that's the sort of thing your guests need to think of themselves. It's not your responsibility.
Reply:I wouldn't say "sandals", because some women think sandals include the high-heeled strappy ones. I would say "Bring your flats for dinner and dancing under the stars" or you could say "in our romantic pavillion". If you have too many qualms about writing it on the invite, just spread it through word-of-mouth. I actually set up a website on one of the bridal sites and referred my guests there for more details about the location, driving directions, and other things I could think of I thought was important for my quests to know.
Reply:Tough question. A part of me wants to say they will figure it out, but I don't think all of the guest will. So I do love your idea, you could leave it, and dinner, but I don't think anyone will fault you for not saying under the big tent. Also, if it is a huge problem some guest may decide to go barefoot when they are not on the dance floor.
Reply:Most woman know not to wear spiked heels to an outdoor event. Mention it verbally to woman you know (also have your mom, aunts do the same). If you haven't rented a dance floor, do so. I'm not sure if you have one or not.
Reply:Just indicate in the invitation the following:
Attire: Semi-Formal
No-nos: Spiked heels for women
Reply:Most women will already know that if it's an outdoor wedding, they risk sinking in if they wear certain heels. I don't think that there is a need to say anything on the invite.
Reply:Honestly, I don't think that sales lady knows too much about invitation etiquette if she suggested mentioning this to your guests. If your guests know you'll be getting married outside, they should know better than to wear high heels.
Reply:OMG
peeling skin
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
The Dream.....I was present for a speech given by Bush. Dressed to the nine and sitting maybe the third row back from the podium. Bush was talking about something and Cheney was sitting behind him. All of a sudden a decorative bowl that was behind Bush and in front of Cheney cracked and a huge chunk of it flew at me barely missing my head. Cheney sneered at me and I thought he had something to do with it. Bush looked at me smiled and made a joke. After the speech I got up and started picking up the pieces of the bowl. Oh yeah as I was cleaning the mess I found a really nice pair of high heels but some lady came up and said "Oh you found my shoes" so I gave them to her.
Later as the room cleared Bush came up to me and stepped in real close, put his arm around me. He looked into my eyes and he smelled really nice. I was immediatley captivated by his charm. I threw my arms around him and told him how wonderful I thought he was. (lie).........continued
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
Let's see, if something in front of Cheney flew at your head, you must be a lawyer. Also, if you were having sexually relations with Bush, your professional opinion then is that one of you is screwed.
My advice?
Don't seek to represent him at his impeachment.
Reply:Glad you got it. LOL Report It
Reply:It means your a gay jackass..
Reply:I told you it was just a matter of time before Harriet Miers showed up!
Reply:I THINK YOU WERE DREAMING ABOUT CLINTON NOT BUSH. THE POT INDUCED HAZE FOGGED YOUR MIND.
Reply:Dreams are usually just a combination of memories you have in your head. Not usually an actuality. It could be a combination of monthly hormones and watching the news before bed.
Reply:You missed the med tray at lunch today, didn't you. Hurry, go find the guy in the white coat and tell him you need your meds. Then go drool on yourself in a corner.
Reply:i often dream about bush myself.
Reply:well you have infatuation with bush ill tell you let him *** on your dress and show it to democrats..you get allot of money...
Reply:It means you will be glad when he is out of office because you feel he is not at all like what he would have you believe.
Reply:were you in hell!!!!
performing arts network
Later as the room cleared Bush came up to me and stepped in real close, put his arm around me. He looked into my eyes and he smelled really nice. I was immediatley captivated by his charm. I threw my arms around him and told him how wonderful I thought he was. (lie).........continued
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
Let's see, if something in front of Cheney flew at your head, you must be a lawyer. Also, if you were having sexually relations with Bush, your professional opinion then is that one of you is screwed.
My advice?
Don't seek to represent him at his impeachment.
Reply:Glad you got it. LOL Report It
Reply:It means your a gay jackass..
Reply:I told you it was just a matter of time before Harriet Miers showed up!
Reply:I THINK YOU WERE DREAMING ABOUT CLINTON NOT BUSH. THE POT INDUCED HAZE FOGGED YOUR MIND.
Reply:Dreams are usually just a combination of memories you have in your head. Not usually an actuality. It could be a combination of monthly hormones and watching the news before bed.
Reply:You missed the med tray at lunch today, didn't you. Hurry, go find the guy in the white coat and tell him you need your meds. Then go drool on yourself in a corner.
Reply:i often dream about bush myself.
Reply:well you have infatuation with bush ill tell you let him *** on your dress and show it to democrats..you get allot of money...
Reply:It means you will be glad when he is out of office because you feel he is not at all like what he would have you believe.
Reply:were you in hell!!!!
performing arts network
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
The Dream.....I was present for a speech given by Bush. Dressed to the nine and sitting maybe the third row back from the podium. Bush was talking about something and Cheney was sitting behind him. All of a sudden a decorative bowl that was behind Bush and in front of Cheney cracked and a huge chunk of it flew at me barely missing my head. Cheney sneered at me and I thought he had something to do with it. Bush looked at me smiled and made a joke. After the speech I got up and started picking up the pieces of the bowl. Oh yeah as I was cleaning the mess I found a really nice pair of high heels but some lady came up and said "Oh you found my shoes" so I gave them to her.
Later as the room cleared Bush came up to me and stepped in real close, put his arm around me. He looked into my eyes and he smelled really nice. I was immediatley captivated by his charm. I threw my arms around him and told him how wonderful I thought he was. (lie).........continued
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
LMFAO LMFAO
you DEFINITLELY need a therapist
What in the WORLD were you thinking about before bed??? What did you eat???
*I took his member in my hand* oh man I am seriously in tears this is great thanks for making my day.
ugh but SO GROSS
Reply:ah.. if you ever dream about me, make sure i last longer than the bush.
Reply:That wasn't a dream.. that was a nightmare,,,
Reply:your dreams are not the topic here.....go tell MOM all about it
Reply:Oh my heavens. That's some dream. Well, I'd say that you were, well, you know, like, horny or something and so you happened to be dreaming about Bush, and so since he's who you were dreaming about, well, that's who your dreaming mind used to deal with this horniness you were feeling.
teeth
Later as the room cleared Bush came up to me and stepped in real close, put his arm around me. He looked into my eyes and he smelled really nice. I was immediatley captivated by his charm. I threw my arms around him and told him how wonderful I thought he was. (lie).........continued
Can you interpret this Bizarre Dream I had about GW Bush?
LMFAO LMFAO
you DEFINITLELY need a therapist
What in the WORLD were you thinking about before bed??? What did you eat???
*I took his member in my hand* oh man I am seriously in tears this is great thanks for making my day.
ugh but SO GROSS
Reply:ah.. if you ever dream about me, make sure i last longer than the bush.
Reply:That wasn't a dream.. that was a nightmare,,,
Reply:your dreams are not the topic here.....go tell MOM all about it
Reply:Oh my heavens. That's some dream. Well, I'd say that you were, well, you know, like, horny or something and so you happened to be dreaming about Bush, and so since he's who you were dreaming about, well, that's who your dreaming mind used to deal with this horniness you were feeling.
teeth
I am going to see someone today for a sort of pre-interview chat?
I think it will be fairly informal. I am going straight from uni, and currently I have on a pair of black trousers, black top and long grey cardigan. So I am smart, but casually dressed.
I have on a pair of flat gold shoes - I was wearing a pair of black heels, but they have broken, so I've had to change into my flatties. Will this look smart enough, or do you think I'd be better running up town to pick up a cheap pair to wear?
Does the rest of my outfit sound smart enough for a pre-interview chat? I am meeting a lady from an employment agency - not from the actual employer.
I am going to see someone today for a sort of pre-interview chat?
Yes you are fine. I worked in an employment agency and most people came in jeans and t-shirts for their evaluations. When getting sent on an assignment we just made sure to tell them what the dress code was for the position. I'm sure what you are wearing is great for an informal meeting. Keep the gold flats!
Don't bring any shopping bags with you....
Reply:Don't kid yourself. This is the interview. If you get passed this one the second is just a formality.
Reply:Lose the gold flats, and grab some black or grey ones. Wear your hair back and out of your face. Don't overdue the make up, but do look put together.
Reply:You sound absolutely fine to me. Good luck with the job xx
Reply:It will be fine to wear the flats for today. You do want to make a good impression with the employment agency representative in case this position does not work out.
Reply:Your outfit sounds perfectly ok for a chat with the employment agency, although you could point out to her that you will be more formally dressed for the interview with the employer. Best of luck getting the job!
beauty
I have on a pair of flat gold shoes - I was wearing a pair of black heels, but they have broken, so I've had to change into my flatties. Will this look smart enough, or do you think I'd be better running up town to pick up a cheap pair to wear?
Does the rest of my outfit sound smart enough for a pre-interview chat? I am meeting a lady from an employment agency - not from the actual employer.
I am going to see someone today for a sort of pre-interview chat?
Yes you are fine. I worked in an employment agency and most people came in jeans and t-shirts for their evaluations. When getting sent on an assignment we just made sure to tell them what the dress code was for the position. I'm sure what you are wearing is great for an informal meeting. Keep the gold flats!
Don't bring any shopping bags with you....
Reply:Don't kid yourself. This is the interview. If you get passed this one the second is just a formality.
Reply:Lose the gold flats, and grab some black or grey ones. Wear your hair back and out of your face. Don't overdue the make up, but do look put together.
Reply:You sound absolutely fine to me. Good luck with the job xx
Reply:It will be fine to wear the flats for today. You do want to make a good impression with the employment agency representative in case this position does not work out.
Reply:Your outfit sounds perfectly ok for a chat with the employment agency, although you could point out to her that you will be more formally dressed for the interview with the employer. Best of luck getting the job!
beauty
What are some annoyances to being pregnant that you never thought of?
don't get me wrong, i LOVE my baby %26amp; am SO grateful she's healthy %26amp; i've had no serious complications...
but i was surprised at some issues that have come up...
~i can't reach my feet! at all. i have to "lasso" my feet with my clothes to get dressed, and my husband has to tie my shoes for me! (thank god for pedicurists!)
~i can't see my upper thighs or lower stomach. are they still there? i assume so since the stretch marks itch...
~rolling over in bed while in the last month of pregnancy should be an olympic sport! it is SO hard!! and forget about getting 7-8 straight hours of sleep, can't get comfy! i thought sleep deprivation didn't occur until AFTER baby was born??
~i am SO slow when i walk... i miss having a long stride %26amp; being able to keep up with my friends when we go shopping!
~balloon feet.
~booths in restaurants were not designed with a pregnant lady in mind. i've gotten stuck!
~i've become SUCH a messy eater-can't eat over my plate anymore!
any others ??
What are some annoyances to being pregnant that you never thought of?
I love my son thats inside of me, and happy he's almost here, I feel selfish sometimes really bad lately with this!
-Not being able to tie my shoes! (really who knew that I'd miss something so simple, and I am embaressed to have my hubby do it for me!) I wish it was summer, or spring already, then my flip flops would be here! I told everyone the day I leave/enter the hospital, I am not taking shoes, I'm bring my fluffy slippers!
-Where are my feet?! Is there anything down below my tummy? I know there *used* to be.... sob
-Begging my husband to walk slow, I feel like a snail, I am a foot shorter than him, and I was used to walking a fast pace to keep up with him, but now, ugh it hurts my lower back, and I hold his hand like a kid to keep him at my speed (lol, I know how we look at least doing so)
- I wanna get out of bed, and go to the bathroom normally again! I agree it feels like a olympic sport to get up and down!
- (this one shocks me big time) I used to love taking bubble baths, but am I the only one who dreads getting out of the tub? My son is positioned JUST SO that anymovement that is remotely normal speed hurts, it's weird!
- Oh, the numbing of the rib, in ONE little spot, I know they do this, but I swear he doesn't like to move from the one spot lol
- I miss driving... I have a great car, but my tummy is big, and I have short legs, I cant drive *cry* And I only just got my liscense this past summer (lol all at once)
Finally... something I never would have thought about, it's whiny, and I know it's pathetic but....: Why are the public restrooms SOOO small? Hello? Is it just me? I'm no pixie, but I'm almost 9 months and they are seriously tiny now I feel like a whale in them, squeezing out of the stall when the toilet paper thing is RIGHTTHERE at the door, ouchies!
Reply:for me, it's trying to get a good night sleep and you can never find a comfortable position while you're trying to fall asleep. i've been very cranky the last few days because of that =(
Reply:Trying to heave-ho my much bigger behind and belly in and out of bed, the couch or a chair.
I never knew that looking at milk would for some reason disgust me so badly.
That even though you never had morning sickness, constipation, or weird food cravings with your first two pregnancies and even though you hear from everyone that every pregnancy is different, when you suddenly have one that comes with just about every symptom in the book that you are shocked.
Where did these boobs come from??? - lol - I never knew I would not like having a larger chest.
I didn't think feet could get that big - if I could only see them....
Thank you for asking it was therapeutic to respond, and helped to read others (and your) responses.
Reply:i know those. cant think of anymore right now but ill think.
Reply:thrush, hemmorides cant sit comfortably siatic nerve getting compressed
Reply:going past due date it's bad enough round 34 weeks you just so tired of being pregnant. But to go past and still not be dialated can really mess with your mind.
Reply:The smell of newspaper, the inside of my cabinets, cardboard boxes, air fresheners, you name it made me gag.
That was the WORST.
It also annoyed me that it felt like my belly owned me, like it carried me and I was just the caboose. Especially when I bonked my belly on the door jam.
Not being able to buckle my shoes.
Reply:1. Yeah, having to ask my husband to slow down so i can keep up.
2. Shortness of breath. I used to be a smoker, but quit, but now i have shortness of breath as if i was a chain smoker.
3. Cant see my hoo hoo. Seriously. It drives me nuts
4. Putting on pants, socks...anything below the waist...I should hear applause every morning once i've accomplished putting my compression stockings on.
5. My babies foot in my ribs. It really really hurts.
6. Rolling over in bed....heck yeah, it should be an olympic sport.
Ugh.
Reply:HE HE Enjoy the fun stuff, As they grow up Quickly.
To me at first it was the waking up for feedings and diaper changes also.
But after Number 2 I was good to go, I told Her Chill I Got it under Control :)
So its a Matter of getting accustomed to dealing with the Newborn :)
But now Im Well broken in :) Smiles, LP
Reply:not to be gross, sorry, but i was not expecting the moisture you get "down there" pretty much all day, every day
putting socks on!!!! ughhh
being constantly worried about getting stretch marks (just got my first one at 31 weeks)
having one pair of pants to wear because i'm too tall to fit into any maternity clothes and i happened to have a big pair of pants from prepregnancy that still manage to fit
knode-devel
but i was surprised at some issues that have come up...
~i can't reach my feet! at all. i have to "lasso" my feet with my clothes to get dressed, and my husband has to tie my shoes for me! (thank god for pedicurists!)
~i can't see my upper thighs or lower stomach. are they still there? i assume so since the stretch marks itch...
~rolling over in bed while in the last month of pregnancy should be an olympic sport! it is SO hard!! and forget about getting 7-8 straight hours of sleep, can't get comfy! i thought sleep deprivation didn't occur until AFTER baby was born??
~i am SO slow when i walk... i miss having a long stride %26amp; being able to keep up with my friends when we go shopping!
~balloon feet.
~booths in restaurants were not designed with a pregnant lady in mind. i've gotten stuck!
~i've become SUCH a messy eater-can't eat over my plate anymore!
any others ??
What are some annoyances to being pregnant that you never thought of?
I love my son thats inside of me, and happy he's almost here, I feel selfish sometimes really bad lately with this!
-Not being able to tie my shoes! (really who knew that I'd miss something so simple, and I am embaressed to have my hubby do it for me!) I wish it was summer, or spring already, then my flip flops would be here! I told everyone the day I leave/enter the hospital, I am not taking shoes, I'm bring my fluffy slippers!
-Where are my feet?! Is there anything down below my tummy? I know there *used* to be.... sob
-Begging my husband to walk slow, I feel like a snail, I am a foot shorter than him, and I was used to walking a fast pace to keep up with him, but now, ugh it hurts my lower back, and I hold his hand like a kid to keep him at my speed (lol, I know how we look at least doing so)
- I wanna get out of bed, and go to the bathroom normally again! I agree it feels like a olympic sport to get up and down!
- (this one shocks me big time) I used to love taking bubble baths, but am I the only one who dreads getting out of the tub? My son is positioned JUST SO that anymovement that is remotely normal speed hurts, it's weird!
- Oh, the numbing of the rib, in ONE little spot, I know they do this, but I swear he doesn't like to move from the one spot lol
- I miss driving... I have a great car, but my tummy is big, and I have short legs, I cant drive *cry* And I only just got my liscense this past summer (lol all at once)
Finally... something I never would have thought about, it's whiny, and I know it's pathetic but....: Why are the public restrooms SOOO small? Hello? Is it just me? I'm no pixie, but I'm almost 9 months and they are seriously tiny now I feel like a whale in them, squeezing out of the stall when the toilet paper thing is RIGHTTHERE at the door, ouchies!
Reply:for me, it's trying to get a good night sleep and you can never find a comfortable position while you're trying to fall asleep. i've been very cranky the last few days because of that =(
Reply:Trying to heave-ho my much bigger behind and belly in and out of bed, the couch or a chair.
I never knew that looking at milk would for some reason disgust me so badly.
That even though you never had morning sickness, constipation, or weird food cravings with your first two pregnancies and even though you hear from everyone that every pregnancy is different, when you suddenly have one that comes with just about every symptom in the book that you are shocked.
Where did these boobs come from??? - lol - I never knew I would not like having a larger chest.
I didn't think feet could get that big - if I could only see them....
Thank you for asking it was therapeutic to respond, and helped to read others (and your) responses.
Reply:i know those. cant think of anymore right now but ill think.
Reply:thrush, hemmorides cant sit comfortably siatic nerve getting compressed
Reply:going past due date it's bad enough round 34 weeks you just so tired of being pregnant. But to go past and still not be dialated can really mess with your mind.
Reply:The smell of newspaper, the inside of my cabinets, cardboard boxes, air fresheners, you name it made me gag.
That was the WORST.
It also annoyed me that it felt like my belly owned me, like it carried me and I was just the caboose. Especially when I bonked my belly on the door jam.
Not being able to buckle my shoes.
Reply:1. Yeah, having to ask my husband to slow down so i can keep up.
2. Shortness of breath. I used to be a smoker, but quit, but now i have shortness of breath as if i was a chain smoker.
3. Cant see my hoo hoo. Seriously. It drives me nuts
4. Putting on pants, socks...anything below the waist...I should hear applause every morning once i've accomplished putting my compression stockings on.
5. My babies foot in my ribs. It really really hurts.
6. Rolling over in bed....heck yeah, it should be an olympic sport.
Ugh.
Reply:HE HE Enjoy the fun stuff, As they grow up Quickly.
To me at first it was the waking up for feedings and diaper changes also.
But after Number 2 I was good to go, I told Her Chill I Got it under Control :)
So its a Matter of getting accustomed to dealing with the Newborn :)
But now Im Well broken in :) Smiles, LP
Reply:not to be gross, sorry, but i was not expecting the moisture you get "down there" pretty much all day, every day
putting socks on!!!! ughhh
being constantly worried about getting stretch marks (just got my first one at 31 weeks)
having one pair of pants to wear because i'm too tall to fit into any maternity clothes and i happened to have a big pair of pants from prepregnancy that still manage to fit
knode-devel
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
this is the hairstyle i like:
http://www.dressearch.com/sitebuilder/im...
this is my dress:
http://www.foreverbridals.com/gownpix.as...
(the style the adult is wearing and in slightly darker blues.
this is my necklace and hair decoration:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi... (the ones in the bottom right hand corner)
these are my shoes:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
this is my bag:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
(the one the lady in the top right corner is holding, sorry its so small part of the site seems to be down)
Im 4"11 tall and i have mousey brown long hair. I have blue eyes and a slightly roundish face.
do you think the hair suits the rest of my outfit?
and will it suit me?
thanks alot!
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
Need you ask?..The whole look is elegant and sophisticated..You will look a dream...have a lovely time.
Reply:i think it will be very very pretty. maybe instead of the hair decoration u have, try the ones that are little diamonds and go all over ur hair. i think that'll be prettier. good luck!
Reply:yes and i luv ur dress I'm having trouble finding a dress lyk tht 4 my prom where are you getting yours from and how much is it?
Reply:i fink it looks lovely get it done!
Reply:Beautiful!
Reply:love your choice but the hair should change a little, maybe not so big.
Reply:Yeah that's a sweet outfit!
Have fun!
Reply:aww yes it is adorable!
Reply:I like it alot i've had that done but instead of the hair thing I had diamond bobby pins friends adored it http://www.pageantjewelry.com/individual...
Reply:YES!! ITS PERFECT!!
Reply:Better than mine sweetie :) you see it? lol
Reply:Will your wrap be that color?goldenish? Because then it will clash with your dress color. Your hairstyle and jewelry will be amazing though. Make sure you don't get the back too puffy or it will overwhem your head. face framing wisps of curls will ease your face. Talk to hair stylist when you get it done. Don't overdo it, keep it relatively elgant and simple. You'll look nice
Reply:yes it will be very nice.
youll look really good.
Reply:that would match perfectly you will look great
Reply:I love the dress and the shoes. I haven't seen the hair on you so i can't be a 100% sure but i think you should go with a simpler hair style a more natural looking one. The dress would look great with your blue eyes though. :)
Reply:a really nice oufitt. i love it ecspecially the necklace and the dress
Reply:yes i thik it will look buitiful on you
Reply:yh
skin spots
http://www.dressearch.com/sitebuilder/im...
this is my dress:
http://www.foreverbridals.com/gownpix.as...
(the style the adult is wearing and in slightly darker blues.
this is my necklace and hair decoration:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi... (the ones in the bottom right hand corner)
these are my shoes:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
this is my bag:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
(the one the lady in the top right corner is holding, sorry its so small part of the site seems to be down)
Im 4"11 tall and i have mousey brown long hair. I have blue eyes and a slightly roundish face.
do you think the hair suits the rest of my outfit?
and will it suit me?
thanks alot!
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
Need you ask?..The whole look is elegant and sophisticated..You will look a dream...have a lovely time.
Reply:i think it will be very very pretty. maybe instead of the hair decoration u have, try the ones that are little diamonds and go all over ur hair. i think that'll be prettier. good luck!
Reply:yes and i luv ur dress I'm having trouble finding a dress lyk tht 4 my prom where are you getting yours from and how much is it?
Reply:i fink it looks lovely get it done!
Reply:Beautiful!
Reply:love your choice but the hair should change a little, maybe not so big.
Reply:Yeah that's a sweet outfit!
Have fun!
Reply:aww yes it is adorable!
Reply:I like it alot i've had that done but instead of the hair thing I had diamond bobby pins friends adored it http://www.pageantjewelry.com/individual...
Reply:YES!! ITS PERFECT!!
Reply:Better than mine sweetie :) you see it? lol
Reply:Will your wrap be that color?goldenish? Because then it will clash with your dress color. Your hairstyle and jewelry will be amazing though. Make sure you don't get the back too puffy or it will overwhem your head. face framing wisps of curls will ease your face. Talk to hair stylist when you get it done. Don't overdo it, keep it relatively elgant and simple. You'll look nice
Reply:yes it will be very nice.
youll look really good.
Reply:that would match perfectly you will look great
Reply:I love the dress and the shoes. I haven't seen the hair on you so i can't be a 100% sure but i think you should go with a simpler hair style a more natural looking one. The dress would look great with your blue eyes though. :)
Reply:a really nice oufitt. i love it ecspecially the necklace and the dress
Reply:yes i thik it will look buitiful on you
Reply:yh
skin spots
I am a muslium i always wear my scarf i am like other people then why some people look at me diffrent.?
I am a 20 year old musium particalaur like any 20 yr old young lady only i wear a scarf and a long black thing called a "balatu" every body look at me so weird and they think that i do not understand english so they talk about me. i mean how would you fell like if u were in MY shoes and you go anywhere it is like "ALL EYES ON ME" I really do not what to do i want to SPEAK out loud how our religion REALLY is i really do not understand why they look at me in such a bad way but if take off my scarf and dress up they will look at weird why why why why people just cannot understand help us muslium girl JUST HELP!!!!!
I am a muslium i always wear my scarf i am like other people then why some people look at me diffrent.?
There are some people that are like that. Still, many people do understand. The only thing you can do is just shrug it off. They are just ignorant. I know it is hard to ignore. But, really what do you care of those people's opinions? If they can't understand that many different beliefs and ideas is what makes our world beautiful and interesting who cares what they think? Maybe talk to one of your family members that is your age. Talk to someone.Talking about things I'm upset about makes me feel better!
Reply:Well i respect all muslims, however realize that people see you differently because of the enemy america is fighting terrorists that are unfortunatly muslim. This raises racism. But don't let it get you down everyone suffers racism some worse than others. Everyone unfortunatly will stereotype everyone. But that is life we must accept it and go foward proving everyone that your judgement does not matter. Good luck.
Reply:Unfortunately people can not accept others culture and traditions which is a shame because I find you can learn from others. I would not look down upon you for wearing your country's traditional garb. People are rude just ignore them. :-)
Reply:Oh come on now: surely you can figure out the answer to your own question. They look at you as if you are different becasue YOU ARE! At least in your appearance, in this country. And given what has happened in this country since 9-11 you have got to expect some defiant stares. Of course you may be normal on the inside, but you are simply perpetuating your different-ness with your dress. I would get the same thing if I walked around Riyad with jeans, a USA #1 t-shirt and sunglasses. Right? ANd by the way: you ARE aware that the Koran says nothing about women having to wear scarves or balatus, right? That type of dress is modern and urban as for as Islam is concerned.
Also, us, if you really are muslim, why did you misspell it every time!!??
Reply:The Imams of your faith need to denounce those extremist members of your faith that have declared war on the entire non-Muslim world. They need to back this up with solid action to bring these murderers to justice and destroy their enemies within.
Islam, a religion of peace has a rotten element that is too often accepted or applauded. The reputation of your faith has been hijacked by these animals.
Until steps are taken by Muslims to take back their faith, they will be painted with the same wide brush.
Unfortunately, this is so.
So, what you need to do is SPEAK OUT. Tell people who look at you funny how you feel. Encourage other Muslims to do the same. Take back your faith!
Reply:I can understand how hurt you are. But, unfortunately, people everywhere are afraid of something they don't understand or something they are not accustomed to. Your clothing, for whatever reason it might be, is very different from what the majority of the women in the western countries. It might not necessarily be that you are looked at in a bad way, you might just be looked at. A lot of people are interested in learning more about Islam, Buddhism or any other religion that is different than there own and are very accepting of differences and very embracing of things that are common for everybody. You just did not meet such people yet.
I am sure you are like any other young lady. Young ladies make friends with other young ladies. Try to make friends, and when people know you better, they will stop looking at your scarf or your balatu; they will see you, a beautiful human being, a loyal friend, a person whose opinion they value very much. It is not easy, but it is worth trying.
Reply:not everyone is a terrorist but, thats what predjidest does.singles out everyone, that is different or connected to the muslim world.it isn't right and it will change when they get to know you but,you have to talk to people.if they ask questions answer them and you ask questions to .if someone walks down the street with multiple piercings and blue hair well [ all eyes on them ] same w/your dress and scarf its different.hold your head high and be your self. happy holidays.
Reply:A lot of people who claim your religion are terrorist. People are not sure of you so they watch you. can never be to careful.
Reply:Their ignorant. Just ignore them.
Reply:you cant change who u are. people dont like people because they are different and they are used to people being the same.
Reply:because the government and the media only tell people about the things that muslim extremists do because thats all anyone wants to see. they have a thing about thinking anyone who isnt white is from another country (especialy with the whole border thing). and they think that any middle eastern person or person of muslim faith is a terrorist.
my friend Vivik who is Indian and Hindu gets the same deal because people think he is a muslim afghani terrorist
it all make me unhappy to be a human!!
acne cure
I am a muslium i always wear my scarf i am like other people then why some people look at me diffrent.?
There are some people that are like that. Still, many people do understand. The only thing you can do is just shrug it off. They are just ignorant. I know it is hard to ignore. But, really what do you care of those people's opinions? If they can't understand that many different beliefs and ideas is what makes our world beautiful and interesting who cares what they think? Maybe talk to one of your family members that is your age. Talk to someone.Talking about things I'm upset about makes me feel better!
Reply:Well i respect all muslims, however realize that people see you differently because of the enemy america is fighting terrorists that are unfortunatly muslim. This raises racism. But don't let it get you down everyone suffers racism some worse than others. Everyone unfortunatly will stereotype everyone. But that is life we must accept it and go foward proving everyone that your judgement does not matter. Good luck.
Reply:Unfortunately people can not accept others culture and traditions which is a shame because I find you can learn from others. I would not look down upon you for wearing your country's traditional garb. People are rude just ignore them. :-)
Reply:Oh come on now: surely you can figure out the answer to your own question. They look at you as if you are different becasue YOU ARE! At least in your appearance, in this country. And given what has happened in this country since 9-11 you have got to expect some defiant stares. Of course you may be normal on the inside, but you are simply perpetuating your different-ness with your dress. I would get the same thing if I walked around Riyad with jeans, a USA #1 t-shirt and sunglasses. Right? ANd by the way: you ARE aware that the Koran says nothing about women having to wear scarves or balatus, right? That type of dress is modern and urban as for as Islam is concerned.
Also, us, if you really are muslim, why did you misspell it every time!!??
Reply:The Imams of your faith need to denounce those extremist members of your faith that have declared war on the entire non-Muslim world. They need to back this up with solid action to bring these murderers to justice and destroy their enemies within.
Islam, a religion of peace has a rotten element that is too often accepted or applauded. The reputation of your faith has been hijacked by these animals.
Until steps are taken by Muslims to take back their faith, they will be painted with the same wide brush.
Unfortunately, this is so.
So, what you need to do is SPEAK OUT. Tell people who look at you funny how you feel. Encourage other Muslims to do the same. Take back your faith!
Reply:I can understand how hurt you are. But, unfortunately, people everywhere are afraid of something they don't understand or something they are not accustomed to. Your clothing, for whatever reason it might be, is very different from what the majority of the women in the western countries. It might not necessarily be that you are looked at in a bad way, you might just be looked at. A lot of people are interested in learning more about Islam, Buddhism or any other religion that is different than there own and are very accepting of differences and very embracing of things that are common for everybody. You just did not meet such people yet.
I am sure you are like any other young lady. Young ladies make friends with other young ladies. Try to make friends, and when people know you better, they will stop looking at your scarf or your balatu; they will see you, a beautiful human being, a loyal friend, a person whose opinion they value very much. It is not easy, but it is worth trying.
Reply:not everyone is a terrorist but, thats what predjidest does.singles out everyone, that is different or connected to the muslim world.it isn't right and it will change when they get to know you but,you have to talk to people.if they ask questions answer them and you ask questions to .if someone walks down the street with multiple piercings and blue hair well [ all eyes on them ] same w/your dress and scarf its different.hold your head high and be your self. happy holidays.
Reply:A lot of people who claim your religion are terrorist. People are not sure of you so they watch you. can never be to careful.
Reply:Their ignorant. Just ignore them.
Reply:you cant change who u are. people dont like people because they are different and they are used to people being the same.
Reply:because the government and the media only tell people about the things that muslim extremists do because thats all anyone wants to see. they have a thing about thinking anyone who isnt white is from another country (especialy with the whole border thing). and they think that any middle eastern person or person of muslim faith is a terrorist.
my friend Vivik who is Indian and Hindu gets the same deal because people think he is a muslim afghani terrorist
it all make me unhappy to be a human!!
acne cure
What do you consider your personal style to be?
Just one more question before I go to bed!
What is your personal style? Outdoorsy, sporty, classic, sophisticated, eclectic, preppy, practical, classy, plain jane, arty, vintage, grunge, western, other?
I tend to be eclectic with my clothes, long skirts are my favorite things to dress up in, sometimes "gypsy" style, but I wear jeans and sweatshirts a lot too. And I wear a lot of classic clothes too (at least I did when I went to work every day) and some times lots of leather and cashmere and beads and velvets. I love velvet, esp black. With lots of lace. Vintage sweaters, and skirts. Leather jackets with fringe. High heels and boots, of all kinds, still wear tennis shoes and sandals a lot. But when I am working in my garden or studio I tend to go for grunge and sometimes I think I look like a bag lady, lol! Grubby, too! My jewelry tends to be arty and one of a kind. No tattoos, tho!
What do you consider your personal style to be?
I can't BE labelled as to one "type" or "style"...I wear whatever suits me and what I feel like putting on for whatever occasion. When I am going out it can be anything from a modern rendition of medieval dress to tights and knee high boots.
At home, I go for comfort...some days jeans and Tshirts. Other days sweats so large they barely hang on my hips. Still other days, one of my voluminous caftans.
I will say that I love leather. My preferred slacks are jeans (in all colours). And I like "natural" fibers over manmade...so cotton, wool, and silk figure more predominantly in my wardrobe than polyester and nylon and rayon. And I LOVE texture!
Reply:Gee...and here I thought you were a girl!!
(ba-dum-bum!!) Report It
Reply:I'm a mixture also, conservative mother, artist, painter,outdoors type, like to hang out at the lake alot, gardener, I wear jeans alot, animal lover,
Reply:Casual. Jeans and a nice blouse. Due to foot problems, the only shoes I can wear for more than an hour are those awful crocs. I don't go out without my make up and hair done. In the summer it's shorts or skirts. I can dress up if need be.
Reply:Early Thriftstore.
Reply:jeans; my checkered tan vans (that are about to fall apart :*-[ ) and either a button up shirt (preferably with the snappies) or a T-shirt.
Reply:"Garage sale chic". I love going to garage sales and finding practical clothes that have been slightly worn and that you can't find in department stores. I have some wonderful old blouses from the 50's that still look good today that I bought for $1 each! Also have a small collection of beautiful turquoise jewelry that I picked up at various garage sales. Around the house, it's comfy clothes all the way!
Reply:Casual/comfy. As most of my time is spent in work uniform when I come home it is into something really comfortable. When we go anywhere it is usually black jeans and a nice top. Only a little silver jewelry. My hubby keeps me well supplied there.
Reply:eclectic, practical with a bit of grunge thrown in
But for a formal occassion I do scrub up pretty well
Reply:Comfy most of the time. T shirt and capris in the summer and sweats in the winter. But I like to wear jeans, button up shirts or tunics also. I love oxford cloth shirts. I hate dresses and do not wear heels anymore.
Reply:I'm an outdoor person and love flannel shirts, sweats, and a casual style as long as I'm clean and neat! I spent a lot of years "dressed up" in my careers and now I've put all that away for good! I do like my earrings, a couple silver bracelets and rings.
Reply:I usually wear casual.I work at a scale house.When I dress up I like silky and long skirts.My sleeves are usually 3/4.With a flare.Love blingy purses and bracelets...Plain Jane for my features....
Reply:I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of woman. But I clean up real well when I have to be dressy.
Reply:Sporty; classy; eclectic; island
Reply:Shabby grungy. If it fits and its clean I wear it!!!!
Reply:My style?
Comfortable, with low-heeled shoes.
Reply:I go for quality, mainly because you get what you pay for.
I'm somewhat Conservative and dress for the occasion.
As of late, I have been, buying nice robes, slippers and night gowns.
I spend a lot of time in bed each day. "Doctors orders" but I do like to look presentable when he come for house calls and to my visitors.
I like you style much better than mine.
Reply:me, just a plain old grubby biker , what can i say lol
Reply:I still have shades of the hippy days embedded in my soul and my style! I wear boots and jeans! Long skirts and jackets to church. I wear big gawdy jewelry. Lot's of blue turquoise, (rings big enough that other women would wear as bracelets), green turquoise and now I'm collecting white! I wear diamond rings on every finger when I really dress up! Sounds like I'd like to go through your closet!!!LOL!! just kidding!!!
Reply:I'm what some people call a old hippy.
Reply:Here in the Dakotas style gives way to survival this time of year. Think bag lady on steroids. Around here people would describe my style as garden grunge but in a past life I wore a 3peice to work. I owned Armani before Miami Vice. Now when people ask me why I'm dressed up, which is rare, I tell them I ran out of dirty clothes. RScott
Reply:Mainly classy, not my description, it's what people have said about me, up until a few years ago I would never go out the door,not even to go just to local town without putting on my smart clothes, high heels and full make-up hair done nice, many people used to compliment me saying I always looked nice, but sadly I have let that extreme slip a little, I just go for comfort now, and that means, more than not, wearing flat shoes, stretchy trousers, loose tops, but always a nice jacket, I still always do the full monty on my hair though, I look awful just combing it, looks flat and lifeless....I love your description of your style!!!
affiliate
What is your personal style? Outdoorsy, sporty, classic, sophisticated, eclectic, preppy, practical, classy, plain jane, arty, vintage, grunge, western, other?
I tend to be eclectic with my clothes, long skirts are my favorite things to dress up in, sometimes "gypsy" style, but I wear jeans and sweatshirts a lot too. And I wear a lot of classic clothes too (at least I did when I went to work every day) and some times lots of leather and cashmere and beads and velvets. I love velvet, esp black. With lots of lace. Vintage sweaters, and skirts. Leather jackets with fringe. High heels and boots, of all kinds, still wear tennis shoes and sandals a lot. But when I am working in my garden or studio I tend to go for grunge and sometimes I think I look like a bag lady, lol! Grubby, too! My jewelry tends to be arty and one of a kind. No tattoos, tho!
What do you consider your personal style to be?
I can't BE labelled as to one "type" or "style"...I wear whatever suits me and what I feel like putting on for whatever occasion. When I am going out it can be anything from a modern rendition of medieval dress to tights and knee high boots.
At home, I go for comfort...some days jeans and Tshirts. Other days sweats so large they barely hang on my hips. Still other days, one of my voluminous caftans.
I will say that I love leather. My preferred slacks are jeans (in all colours). And I like "natural" fibers over manmade...so cotton, wool, and silk figure more predominantly in my wardrobe than polyester and nylon and rayon. And I LOVE texture!
Reply:Gee...and here I thought you were a girl!!
(ba-dum-bum!!) Report It
Reply:I'm a mixture also, conservative mother, artist, painter,outdoors type, like to hang out at the lake alot, gardener, I wear jeans alot, animal lover,
Reply:Casual. Jeans and a nice blouse. Due to foot problems, the only shoes I can wear for more than an hour are those awful crocs. I don't go out without my make up and hair done. In the summer it's shorts or skirts. I can dress up if need be.
Reply:Early Thriftstore.
Reply:jeans; my checkered tan vans (that are about to fall apart :*-[ ) and either a button up shirt (preferably with the snappies) or a T-shirt.
Reply:"Garage sale chic". I love going to garage sales and finding practical clothes that have been slightly worn and that you can't find in department stores. I have some wonderful old blouses from the 50's that still look good today that I bought for $1 each! Also have a small collection of beautiful turquoise jewelry that I picked up at various garage sales. Around the house, it's comfy clothes all the way!
Reply:Casual/comfy. As most of my time is spent in work uniform when I come home it is into something really comfortable. When we go anywhere it is usually black jeans and a nice top. Only a little silver jewelry. My hubby keeps me well supplied there.
Reply:eclectic, practical with a bit of grunge thrown in
But for a formal occassion I do scrub up pretty well
Reply:Comfy most of the time. T shirt and capris in the summer and sweats in the winter. But I like to wear jeans, button up shirts or tunics also. I love oxford cloth shirts. I hate dresses and do not wear heels anymore.
Reply:I'm an outdoor person and love flannel shirts, sweats, and a casual style as long as I'm clean and neat! I spent a lot of years "dressed up" in my careers and now I've put all that away for good! I do like my earrings, a couple silver bracelets and rings.
Reply:I usually wear casual.I work at a scale house.When I dress up I like silky and long skirts.My sleeves are usually 3/4.With a flare.Love blingy purses and bracelets...Plain Jane for my features....
Reply:I'm a jeans and T-shirt kind of woman. But I clean up real well when I have to be dressy.
Reply:Sporty; classy; eclectic; island
Reply:Shabby grungy. If it fits and its clean I wear it!!!!
Reply:My style?
Comfortable, with low-heeled shoes.
Reply:I go for quality, mainly because you get what you pay for.
I'm somewhat Conservative and dress for the occasion.
As of late, I have been, buying nice robes, slippers and night gowns.
I spend a lot of time in bed each day. "Doctors orders" but I do like to look presentable when he come for house calls and to my visitors.
I like you style much better than mine.
Reply:me, just a plain old grubby biker , what can i say lol
Reply:I still have shades of the hippy days embedded in my soul and my style! I wear boots and jeans! Long skirts and jackets to church. I wear big gawdy jewelry. Lot's of blue turquoise, (rings big enough that other women would wear as bracelets), green turquoise and now I'm collecting white! I wear diamond rings on every finger when I really dress up! Sounds like I'd like to go through your closet!!!LOL!! just kidding!!!
Reply:I'm what some people call a old hippy.
Reply:Here in the Dakotas style gives way to survival this time of year. Think bag lady on steroids. Around here people would describe my style as garden grunge but in a past life I wore a 3peice to work. I owned Armani before Miami Vice. Now when people ask me why I'm dressed up, which is rare, I tell them I ran out of dirty clothes. RScott
Reply:Mainly classy, not my description, it's what people have said about me, up until a few years ago I would never go out the door,not even to go just to local town without putting on my smart clothes, high heels and full make-up hair done nice, many people used to compliment me saying I always looked nice, but sadly I have let that extreme slip a little, I just go for comfort now, and that means, more than not, wearing flat shoes, stretchy trousers, loose tops, but always a nice jacket, I still always do the full monty on my hair though, I look awful just combing it, looks flat and lifeless....I love your description of your style!!!
affiliate
Ok. do you lyke my story? the end of it is in another question. sry.. nd sry for the spelling mistakes?
she sat at the bottom of the stairs, half wanting someone to come looking for her, half wishing that she would never be found. she had spent more time looking in the mirror this morning than she had ever thought was humanly possible. she supposedly had looked 'radiant', at least that's what her mother had said. but i guess that's what mothers are supposed to say. she had no idea how she had managed to squeeze into the elegant shoes that now held her feet. and she was absolutely clueless as to how she had managed to not stumble over the train of beautiful white dress. she twisted around the ring on her finger, and admired the large rock that sat below it. she was married. married! she barely believed it, and she knew for a fact that she wans't the only one. nobody had expected 'poor little'isabell to find a husband before her beautiful sister ariana. actually everyone thought she would never marry. they thought she'd end up a spinster or a cat lady. boy did she prove them wrong.
Ok. do you lyke my story? the end of it is in another question. sry.. nd sry for the spelling mistakes?
so far, so good !
Reply:great begining. now write the rest I want to know what happened.
Reply:OK--I'm moving on now to 'the rest of the story!'
skin whitening
Ok. do you lyke my story? the end of it is in another question. sry.. nd sry for the spelling mistakes?
so far, so good !
Reply:great begining. now write the rest I want to know what happened.
Reply:OK--I'm moving on now to 'the rest of the story!'
skin whitening
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
this is the hairstyle i like:
http://www.dressearch.com/sitebuilder/im...
this is my dress:
http://www.foreverbridals.com/gownpix.as...
(the style the adult is wearing and in slightly darker blues.
this is my necklace and hair decoration:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi... (the ones in the bottom right hand corner)
these are my shoes:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
this is my bag:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
(the one the lady in the top right corner is holding, sorry its so small part of the site seems to be down)
Im 4"11 tall and i have mousey brown long hair. I have blue eyes and a slightly roundish face.
do you think the hair suits the rest of my outfit?
and will it suit me?
thanks alot!
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
OMG YES!
go for it girl! it'll look amazing!
any chance you could help me about my prom dress? and help with accessories, shoes, hairstyles etc????
coz you got it girl, and i could really use your help :)
have great prom!
xXx
Reply:Your going to look beautiful
Reply:Will look amazing :) xx
Reply:sounds great :) I would go for whiter shoes, though.
The hairstyle looks really pretty, but I think that if you shrank the style by just a bit, then it would be better.
I'm sure you'll look gorgeous for prom.
Reply:i think they would go together amazingly
i just suggest
white or blue shoes instead of the beige
ones
but they hair style would match wonderfully
Reply:yea i think it'll suit the outfit because of your hair and jewelry choice (the tiara with the pretty updo) and wow the outfit is beautiful i'll bet u'll look great :)
Reply:Im sure the hair style will suit you, and deff goes with the dress. The only thing i didnt like was the hair decoration, id go for something a LITTLE more tiara-ish :)
Have fun and enjoy ya prom! xx
Reply:yes i think you'll look nice, it will make ur neck look longer and show off ur cheekbones. Your dress is lush btw XD
Reply:Ja'Adore it. Lots and lots. (: the dress is cute and the shoes are adorable. I think i might buy them. Lolz.
My suggestion it to wear your hair down and curly to offset the the roundness of your face, BUT if not, the hair should be finnnnnee.
Reply:i think it will look really great! the dress, hairstyle, jewelery, the bag, and everything else looks really nice.
The dress is really beautiful, and the color should complement your blue eyes.
hope that helps!
^_^ Deedee!
Reply:Everything's really nice. The hair style depends on the thickness of your hair though. If your hair's thick it will look great but if it's thinner just be prepared for it to look different. Everything will look amazing put together.
kmdi
http://www.dressearch.com/sitebuilder/im...
this is my dress:
http://www.foreverbridals.com/gownpix.as...
(the style the adult is wearing and in slightly darker blues.
this is my necklace and hair decoration:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi... (the ones in the bottom right hand corner)
these are my shoes:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
this is my bag:
http://www.next.co.uk/shopping/women/goi...
(the one the lady in the top right corner is holding, sorry its so small part of the site seems to be down)
Im 4"11 tall and i have mousey brown long hair. I have blue eyes and a slightly roundish face.
do you think the hair suits the rest of my outfit?
and will it suit me?
thanks alot!
Is this a good hairstyle for prom? will it suit me?
OMG YES!
go for it girl! it'll look amazing!
any chance you could help me about my prom dress? and help with accessories, shoes, hairstyles etc????
coz you got it girl, and i could really use your help :)
have great prom!
xXx
Reply:Your going to look beautiful
Reply:Will look amazing :) xx
Reply:sounds great :) I would go for whiter shoes, though.
The hairstyle looks really pretty, but I think that if you shrank the style by just a bit, then it would be better.
I'm sure you'll look gorgeous for prom.
Reply:i think they would go together amazingly
i just suggest
white or blue shoes instead of the beige
ones
but they hair style would match wonderfully
Reply:yea i think it'll suit the outfit because of your hair and jewelry choice (the tiara with the pretty updo) and wow the outfit is beautiful i'll bet u'll look great :)
Reply:Im sure the hair style will suit you, and deff goes with the dress. The only thing i didnt like was the hair decoration, id go for something a LITTLE more tiara-ish :)
Have fun and enjoy ya prom! xx
Reply:yes i think you'll look nice, it will make ur neck look longer and show off ur cheekbones. Your dress is lush btw XD
Reply:Ja'Adore it. Lots and lots. (: the dress is cute and the shoes are adorable. I think i might buy them. Lolz.
My suggestion it to wear your hair down and curly to offset the the roundness of your face, BUT if not, the hair should be finnnnnee.
Reply:i think it will look really great! the dress, hairstyle, jewelery, the bag, and everything else looks really nice.
The dress is really beautiful, and the color should complement your blue eyes.
hope that helps!
^_^ Deedee!
Reply:Everything's really nice. The hair style depends on the thickness of your hair though. If your hair's thick it will look great but if it's thinner just be prepared for it to look different. Everything will look amazing put together.
kmdi
Ever heard of the 11 types of hoes? Which one are you >?
11 types of HO’s! Ladies..Is this true?
11. “The Undercover Ho” - This type of ho often goes unnoticed in the community, and can only be detected by a trained eye. She holds down a decent job during the day, but is secretly hoeing around with at least 5 different trifling men. Two of these men are married, and at least one of these men is dating her best friend.
10. “The Church Ho” - Her hair and nails is always done. This ho is in church every Sunday and carries a Bible with her at all times, but spends Tuesday through Saturday night of every week in a different club. She is sometimes mistaken for the Undercover Ho.
9. “High Class Ho” - (also known as the “Glamour Ho”) - This type of ho rocks Prada and Versace, and only dates players, ballers, and hot callers. She is most often the cause of some fight in a club (i.e. Source Awards). She tries to act like she’s got class but confuses regular English with Ebonics. She also has trouble with simple arithmetic.
8. “Old Ho”
- The OLE Ho used to be tight “in her day,” and thinks she still looks
good for her age.” She tries to wear all of the Soul Train fashions,
thinking that she will blend in with the rest of the hunnies. You can find
her at any club on any given night, grinding on the dance floor during any
song, with any man, of any age.
7. “Nasty Ho” - This ho has not exactly been blessed in the looks department, but is usually very popular with the men for her other talents. Most often, she has a “tight” body and be found working in a strip club.
6. “Sneaky Ho” - The sneaky ho cannot be trusted in anyone’s home or with anyone’s man. Money and other personal items “turn up missing” not long after she’s gone. She is always “dipped” and can never remember where she’s purchased the coveted item of clothing. The Sneaky Ho aspires to be Undercover Ho but has already made too many enemies by stealing.
5. “Bourgeois Ho” - This type of ho is educated and professional woman with many credits to her name, she dresses well and has a sophisticated circle of friends. To the outside, these women areperfect, however these Ho’s have multiple partners and sleep with married men like “Undercover Ho,” perpetrate on Sunday like “Church Ho,” get played by men
just like “Stupid Ho,” obsessed with name brands and status like “High Class
Ho,” and best of all…Bourgeois Ho looks down on all the other Ho’s.
4. “Project Ho” - This Ho is living ghetto fabulous, squeezing money and trinkets out of her drug dealing “babies daddies.” She likes to fight, and you will most often hear her before you see her.
3. “Stupid Ho” - She is usually very cute. The Stupid Ho keeps a string of men who constantly come over after midnight for booty calls. They often return to eat her food, watch her cable, and borrow her car and/or money. She complain s about them to her friends (i.e., Sneaky Ho and Project Ho) but never does anything about it.
2. “Crazy Ho” - This is a popular ho. Although she is very smart, the Crazy Ho is virtually an upgrade from the Stupid Ho. She has the same terrible luck with men, but unlike the Stupid Ho, she seeks revenge. Her areas of expertise include slashing tires, keying cars, making prank calls from unlisted numbers, visiting the trifling man (or other Ho’s) jobs, and
appearing on Judge Mathis for any of the aforementioned activities.
And Finally!!
1. “The Stank Ho” - This is perhaps the most popular Ho of them all. the Stank Ho has appeared on shows such as Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. She has eluded herself into believing that she is beautiful, ad she sleeps with everyone to justify it. Her choice of wardrobe most often includes spandex (of every color), bra tops, and
stripper shoes. She has a permanent “unwashed” look about her that cannot
be removed with any amount of water or soap.
Ever heard of the 11 types of hoes? Which one are you %26gt;?
If I was a ho, I would be a cross between undercover, church and crazy.
Reply:You are living in a whore-ribble world in a whore-ribble culture.
Indiscriminant sexual behavior puts you in the category of an animal. Like a dog, a monkey, or a hog. Even many animals disciminate more than this. Doves for example mate for life.
What makes you different than an animal, essentially? When you behave like this then you are disqualifying yourself as a human and you will degrade yourself in your next life.
No one can have self-respect or be respected by others with this type of lifestyle. You can't even have happiness. It means sex has become an addiction and has taken control over your life.
Unfortunately women are being encouraged and rewarded for this type of behavior. There are better alternative human ways of relating with men and satisfying your sexual and ecnomic demands.
When I asked "Is a woman without a husband lost like an army without a commander?" the answer to what defines lost has now been provided by you in this 11 point analysis of "Lost Women".
This is lost.
Reply:I guess I would probably be an undercover ho if i slept around... but stank ho has the best name... :)
Reply:hunnie u are a hoe hoe hoe like santa clause said
Reply:i'm guessing you are the crazy ho!
Reply:wow im no angel but i defiently couldn't say im any of these hoes.but i defiently know a few girls that could be some of these.
Reply:LOL....i didnt know there were so many hoes out there!!LOL...LOL...LOL
Reply:LMAO. This is funny stuff. If I had to pick one, I guess I'll go with the crazy ho.lol.
Reply:u know, reading this list i could give you the names of eleven girls who fit each category. lol. I am not a ho, I am happy with my man, but if I were I'd baltantly be undercover! lolol
Reply:Happy to say Im not a "Ho". But that was the funniest thing Ive read all night, ROTFL.
Reply:Didn't see me in there anywhere...guess I'm my own type of "ho"..lol!
Reply:none of the above. what kind are you?????
Reply:i have to admit it im the Bourgeois Ho. im not ashamed lol
Reply:How pathetic to hear a female use the term hoe to describe herself. You really need to find something to do with your time, perhaps some education and self preservation would be helpful. Your mother should be so proud. God bless****
Reply:If I were a ho, I would probably be the Bourgeois Ho. Unfortunately, I'm not a ho. Oh, well.
acne care
11. “The Undercover Ho” - This type of ho often goes unnoticed in the community, and can only be detected by a trained eye. She holds down a decent job during the day, but is secretly hoeing around with at least 5 different trifling men. Two of these men are married, and at least one of these men is dating her best friend.
10. “The Church Ho” - Her hair and nails is always done. This ho is in church every Sunday and carries a Bible with her at all times, but spends Tuesday through Saturday night of every week in a different club. She is sometimes mistaken for the Undercover Ho.
9. “High Class Ho” - (also known as the “Glamour Ho”) - This type of ho rocks Prada and Versace, and only dates players, ballers, and hot callers. She is most often the cause of some fight in a club (i.e. Source Awards). She tries to act like she’s got class but confuses regular English with Ebonics. She also has trouble with simple arithmetic.
8. “Old Ho”
- The OLE Ho used to be tight “in her day,” and thinks she still looks
good for her age.” She tries to wear all of the Soul Train fashions,
thinking that she will blend in with the rest of the hunnies. You can find
her at any club on any given night, grinding on the dance floor during any
song, with any man, of any age.
7. “Nasty Ho” - This ho has not exactly been blessed in the looks department, but is usually very popular with the men for her other talents. Most often, she has a “tight” body and be found working in a strip club.
6. “Sneaky Ho” - The sneaky ho cannot be trusted in anyone’s home or with anyone’s man. Money and other personal items “turn up missing” not long after she’s gone. She is always “dipped” and can never remember where she’s purchased the coveted item of clothing. The Sneaky Ho aspires to be Undercover Ho but has already made too many enemies by stealing.
5. “Bourgeois Ho” - This type of ho is educated and professional woman with many credits to her name, she dresses well and has a sophisticated circle of friends. To the outside, these women areperfect, however these Ho’s have multiple partners and sleep with married men like “Undercover Ho,” perpetrate on Sunday like “Church Ho,” get played by men
just like “Stupid Ho,” obsessed with name brands and status like “High Class
Ho,” and best of all…Bourgeois Ho looks down on all the other Ho’s.
4. “Project Ho” - This Ho is living ghetto fabulous, squeezing money and trinkets out of her drug dealing “babies daddies.” She likes to fight, and you will most often hear her before you see her.
3. “Stupid Ho” - She is usually very cute. The Stupid Ho keeps a string of men who constantly come over after midnight for booty calls. They often return to eat her food, watch her cable, and borrow her car and/or money. She complain s about them to her friends (i.e., Sneaky Ho and Project Ho) but never does anything about it.
2. “Crazy Ho” - This is a popular ho. Although she is very smart, the Crazy Ho is virtually an upgrade from the Stupid Ho. She has the same terrible luck with men, but unlike the Stupid Ho, she seeks revenge. Her areas of expertise include slashing tires, keying cars, making prank calls from unlisted numbers, visiting the trifling man (or other Ho’s) jobs, and
appearing on Judge Mathis for any of the aforementioned activities.
And Finally!!
1. “The Stank Ho” - This is perhaps the most popular Ho of them all. the Stank Ho has appeared on shows such as Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer and Jenny Jones. She has eluded herself into believing that she is beautiful, ad she sleeps with everyone to justify it. Her choice of wardrobe most often includes spandex (of every color), bra tops, and
stripper shoes. She has a permanent “unwashed” look about her that cannot
be removed with any amount of water or soap.
Ever heard of the 11 types of hoes? Which one are you %26gt;?
If I was a ho, I would be a cross between undercover, church and crazy.
Reply:You are living in a whore-ribble world in a whore-ribble culture.
Indiscriminant sexual behavior puts you in the category of an animal. Like a dog, a monkey, or a hog. Even many animals disciminate more than this. Doves for example mate for life.
What makes you different than an animal, essentially? When you behave like this then you are disqualifying yourself as a human and you will degrade yourself in your next life.
No one can have self-respect or be respected by others with this type of lifestyle. You can't even have happiness. It means sex has become an addiction and has taken control over your life.
Unfortunately women are being encouraged and rewarded for this type of behavior. There are better alternative human ways of relating with men and satisfying your sexual and ecnomic demands.
When I asked "Is a woman without a husband lost like an army without a commander?" the answer to what defines lost has now been provided by you in this 11 point analysis of "Lost Women".
This is lost.
Reply:I guess I would probably be an undercover ho if i slept around... but stank ho has the best name... :)
Reply:hunnie u are a hoe hoe hoe like santa clause said
Reply:i'm guessing you are the crazy ho!
Reply:wow im no angel but i defiently couldn't say im any of these hoes.but i defiently know a few girls that could be some of these.
Reply:LOL....i didnt know there were so many hoes out there!!LOL...LOL...LOL
Reply:LMAO. This is funny stuff. If I had to pick one, I guess I'll go with the crazy ho.lol.
Reply:u know, reading this list i could give you the names of eleven girls who fit each category. lol. I am not a ho, I am happy with my man, but if I were I'd baltantly be undercover! lolol
Reply:Happy to say Im not a "Ho". But that was the funniest thing Ive read all night, ROTFL.
Reply:Didn't see me in there anywhere...guess I'm my own type of "ho"..lol!
Reply:none of the above. what kind are you?????
Reply:i have to admit it im the Bourgeois Ho. im not ashamed lol
Reply:How pathetic to hear a female use the term hoe to describe herself. You really need to find something to do with your time, perhaps some education and self preservation would be helpful. Your mother should be so proud. God bless****
Reply:If I were a ho, I would probably be the Bourgeois Ho. Unfortunately, I'm not a ho. Oh, well.
acne care
Is this true that girls actually hate guys with cool toys?
I read a post the other day that girls actually hate guys who spend money on cool toys and image. I was under the impression that "Image is everything" and so i wear designer clothes, shoes, gold jewellery, expensive TAG watch etc.. and drive a tricked-up convertible sports car all in the belief that it all helps to "impress the ladies". However i always see a lot of hot girls going out with guys who are unemployed, poorly dressed derro's, potheads and dropkicks and often wonder why i bother..Have i been misled? What's the go here?
Is this true that girls actually hate guys with cool toys?
we do hate guys like you describe-sorry.
so you have been living a false life, buying expensive bling in the hope it will attract a lady? you do know you are not a magpie right?
we like a guy who is himself, who is honest, and sincere, everything else is superficial crap. Relax, be yourself, thats all we ask, and stop listening to the boys in the playground who need expensive toys to inflate their egos because they are lacking in personality and feel the need to over compensate
good luck
Reply:it depends on who u dating
Reply:Honestly sweetie, depends on the chick. Personally i like a guy whos a little more laid back. Doesn't have to spend a whole bunch of money on his clothes since i damn sure don't... Its about looking good, not looking better than the girl. :) The car is a plus (tho Trucks are better, unless its a corvette but thats jsut cause i'm a chevy girl and love them) Guys don't want a high maintenance chick that they have to listen to and put up with, neither do the ladies. Maybe keep the car, the nice jeans... but pair it with a casual t-shirt you buy from JCPennys. Lose the Jewelry, or make it silver. lose the watch cept special occasions. We want Nice but Casual
Reply:Women don't want to deal with the ego that usually goes along with those toys
Reply:HAHAHA Punks like you cost poor Jews like me a lot of money. We always have to spend money to try to keep up. Oh wait, no we don't; we drive old beat-up pickups and wear Wranglers, teeshirts, combat boots, and Curve bought on eBay. You get dates because of the superficial: Good game. We get relationships because we are real.
Oh, by the way, we wear jewelry that we EARNED; my dog tag on a steel chain is worth a heck of a lot more than your gold necklace.
Reply:Guys who work too hard on their image tend to give the impression that they are self centered and think too well of themselves. Sometimes this is true! Also, no girl enjoys sitting around with a guy who is busy fiddling with his gadgets rather than giving her attention and showing interest in her and what she is saying. So, there's nothing wrong with looking good but if you are coming across as materialistic and conceited about all the things you have, that will definitely NOT be appealing.
Reply:i think it really depends on the girl...some girls are attracted to the bad-boy type of guys while others are attracted to the stable and image - type of guys...i think its great when a guy dresses well, has a nice car and has a good image provided that he bought all those things himself (meaning not from parents- bec it would mean he is financially responsible and mature), he hasnt become too obsessed and swell-headed from his perfect image....also think that most girls look at a guys physical attributes (including manner of dressing) at first but would always end up looking for a great personality to match the looks....
Reply:Different People with different priorities. Those wonem only need hard, long dick that they find there, you are selling your self in the wrong place
Reply:I'm sure there are SOME girls who go for the 'image.' But most girls, believe it or not, go for PERSONALITY. All the toys in the world won't help if you are a jerk. And besides -- do you WANT to be with a woman who's only interested in your toys and image?
Spend less money and more ENERGY on developing your social skills. Don't FAKE being nice and funny, try to actually BE nice and funny and polite. THAT will get you women!
Reply:No I love guys who feel the need to have the best in life. Your just meeting all the wrong type of women.
Hotel Silvota
Is this true that girls actually hate guys with cool toys?
we do hate guys like you describe-sorry.
so you have been living a false life, buying expensive bling in the hope it will attract a lady? you do know you are not a magpie right?
we like a guy who is himself, who is honest, and sincere, everything else is superficial crap. Relax, be yourself, thats all we ask, and stop listening to the boys in the playground who need expensive toys to inflate their egos because they are lacking in personality and feel the need to over compensate
good luck
Reply:it depends on who u dating
Reply:Honestly sweetie, depends on the chick. Personally i like a guy whos a little more laid back. Doesn't have to spend a whole bunch of money on his clothes since i damn sure don't... Its about looking good, not looking better than the girl. :) The car is a plus (tho Trucks are better, unless its a corvette but thats jsut cause i'm a chevy girl and love them) Guys don't want a high maintenance chick that they have to listen to and put up with, neither do the ladies. Maybe keep the car, the nice jeans... but pair it with a casual t-shirt you buy from JCPennys. Lose the Jewelry, or make it silver. lose the watch cept special occasions. We want Nice but Casual
Reply:Women don't want to deal with the ego that usually goes along with those toys
Reply:HAHAHA Punks like you cost poor Jews like me a lot of money. We always have to spend money to try to keep up. Oh wait, no we don't; we drive old beat-up pickups and wear Wranglers, teeshirts, combat boots, and Curve bought on eBay. You get dates because of the superficial: Good game. We get relationships because we are real.
Oh, by the way, we wear jewelry that we EARNED; my dog tag on a steel chain is worth a heck of a lot more than your gold necklace.
Reply:Guys who work too hard on their image tend to give the impression that they are self centered and think too well of themselves. Sometimes this is true! Also, no girl enjoys sitting around with a guy who is busy fiddling with his gadgets rather than giving her attention and showing interest in her and what she is saying. So, there's nothing wrong with looking good but if you are coming across as materialistic and conceited about all the things you have, that will definitely NOT be appealing.
Reply:i think it really depends on the girl...some girls are attracted to the bad-boy type of guys while others are attracted to the stable and image - type of guys...i think its great when a guy dresses well, has a nice car and has a good image provided that he bought all those things himself (meaning not from parents- bec it would mean he is financially responsible and mature), he hasnt become too obsessed and swell-headed from his perfect image....also think that most girls look at a guys physical attributes (including manner of dressing) at first but would always end up looking for a great personality to match the looks....
Reply:Different People with different priorities. Those wonem only need hard, long dick that they find there, you are selling your self in the wrong place
Reply:I'm sure there are SOME girls who go for the 'image.' But most girls, believe it or not, go for PERSONALITY. All the toys in the world won't help if you are a jerk. And besides -- do you WANT to be with a woman who's only interested in your toys and image?
Spend less money and more ENERGY on developing your social skills. Don't FAKE being nice and funny, try to actually BE nice and funny and polite. THAT will get you women!
Reply:No I love guys who feel the need to have the best in life. Your just meeting all the wrong type of women.
Hotel Silvota
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I'm an ARIES, so I guess I'll have to set you on fire now!
lol
Reply:im leo thou that dosnt decribe me accurately there are bits i can relate tooo but on the whole although a bit long to reading it all it was sooo funny
Reply:Libra LMAO that`s so funny.
Reply:Capricorn? That's me. "DULL AS HELL" is not a good way to describe us Capricorns. I'm smarter than you, BLEH!
Reply:HOW DID U FIT ALL THAT ON WITHOUT ADDING DETAILS? MINE ONLY ALLOWS 1000 CHARACTERS.
EDIT: Sorry my daughter put the caps lock on lol :)
Reply:Go to bed and get some much needed SLEEP!!!
ET
3 of the same questions in a row???
Reply:Not AGAIN!!
Reply:I'm a Leo and its scary how much it sounds like me. Just kidding :P but I am a Leo
flower
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What is your zodiac sign? Does any of this describe you?
I'm an ARIES, so I guess I'll have to set you on fire now!
lol
Reply:im leo thou that dosnt decribe me accurately there are bits i can relate tooo but on the whole although a bit long to reading it all it was sooo funny
Reply:Libra LMAO that`s so funny.
Reply:Capricorn? That's me. "DULL AS HELL" is not a good way to describe us Capricorns. I'm smarter than you, BLEH!
Reply:HOW DID U FIT ALL THAT ON WITHOUT ADDING DETAILS? MINE ONLY ALLOWS 1000 CHARACTERS.
EDIT: Sorry my daughter put the caps lock on lol :)
Reply:Go to bed and get some much needed SLEEP!!!
ET
3 of the same questions in a row???
Reply:Not AGAIN!!
Reply:I'm a Leo and its scary how much it sounds like me. Just kidding :P but I am a Leo
flower
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
Aries
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
taurus in the house. lol
i guess it ..kinda sounds like me
(im not only saying that cuz taurus sounds bad there)
but.. it's partly true.. the other half is like "wat? o.O`"
Reply:OMG this was so true for me (taurus) and I know a little bit about astrology and I found it SOO true. ALL OF IT! HILARIOUS. Report It
Reply:Please tell me where you found this! Report It
Reply:I am a Cancer and that didn't really sound like me. A few parts, but not really.
Reply:not all of it, i am always changing my mind, im on meds, but im not a partier, im quiet, im a good driver
Gemini
Reply:I think you have a Bundle o' Problems. :)
Reply:capricorn and very true on some things
Reply:I'm a libra, and it is semi-accurate (not completely, though).
Reply:yes i am saggi and some of it is true...very true infact
Reply:cancer
Reply:Sag, and that's 100% correct.
Reply:Im Virgo, and im the opposite lol!! I was born on the cusp of Libra though, so i'll read that one and come back . .
Uh, no. not true either lol!!
Reply:thanks so im a sagi born into the wrong gender. i think i shall throw expensive food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but maby u have a point. my avatar is male and i am female
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
nope i dont see anything similar except i am very stylish... lol jk
Reply:I am a Scorpia and yes it is true.
Reply:The Taurus one doesn't sound like me at all, sorry.
Reply:im Libran... and no.. im not that kind of person as mentioned.. lol
Reply:i'm virgo..yup
Reply:Some was true! Some definitely was not!
Reply:Gemini, no that dosent describe me.
Reply:am a Leo !!!
think i am gonna go kill myself now
all the best
Ian :)
Reply:pisces..so true!! especially:
You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.
You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address.
many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ***
Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck.
Reply:I'm a taurean.
i'm completely open n honest. i've grown t b somewhat comfortable wit myself, i'm a nature girl, i'm very passive cuz i'm skinny n couldn't win if i tried t fight, i second guess my inner beauty as i think i'm imperfect n somewhat insufficient, but with almost every person i meet, i am reassured i'm a beautiful spirit, so no, it's not true, i don't think my zodiac sign defines me, but socialization does.
Reply:Taurus
Some true some not.. I'm a mix of all i guess
Reply:scorpio. no not at all
Reply:OMGAWDDDDD !!!!!!!! that was hilarious... (Scorpio) here
I really do eat coffee out of the bag with a spoon, no kidding.. I don't swear (alot), or hack, or play lottery. I have a high sex drive, and don't ever tell me that Star Trek isn't real , or Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, or all those movies I love..
and yes, I am waiting to be abducted by aliens.. but they don't find me much of a challenge..or interesting.
I don't smoke...
Reply:leo
i do do the things about tlkin like buttin in to convos n i thought bout lockin my bf up in the bathroom cupboard but i wus extremly shocked because all the things about leos being physco, crazy, and self-absorbed are far from the truth! its crazy to post such rude things n u should b ashamed of urself. this was the rudest thing ive read on this website.
i agree w/ erin this is mean!
that necrophillia (learn to spell) thing was extremly disgusting! n how would u possibly kno (u or the stupid person u got this from) those kind of statistics! ur insane n u probably have tons o problems!
o n also i may b loud buh i dont have a cleft upper lip, slimmy nose, n i sure as HECK dont crap under trees...
Reply:libra. all true.
Reply:i am an aries and im stubborn as hell... so that much is right.. my best friend is a scorpio and we get on great so that bit is wrpng.,.
Reply:I am an Aquarius... Most of what u said was true... dude, man that was some real $hit...
Reply:I'm a Pisces. Only a couple things could be true if you tried to compare to a rare event in my life. But mostly, not even close.
But, a friend of mine who is very into astrology says I am very unlike a Pisces and was probably meant to be something else.
Reply:picsec or summin like that
Reply:Wow, reading this I wish I wasn't a Saggitarian. All the things about being a Saggitarian were negative! THUNDERPOOPER? Although that might be true. :0 I am not a true adventurer!
brest cancer
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born.
They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's asses.
Taurus
You are brooding emotion incarnate. One minute you're up, the next you're down, the next you've shot your favorite newscaster in the kneecaps, "just 'cuz.". You're very earthy, which may mean that you don't shower as often as most people. Or it may just mean that you like to roll around with your nose in clover and sigh. Taureans love happy movies where everyone is jolly and having fun, but they fight with waiters and get upset with billboards. They like to psychoanalyze their friends but have no real experience with life in general. Taureans mumble while describing philosophical concepts.
The Taurus is a strange bird because he or she holds grudges about things that never actually happened. This may stem from the feelings of inadequacy resulting from being beaten out for first in line in the zodiac by Aries. That is the Taurean self-image, always second best. However, they are undoubtedly the best at feeling like second best. All Taureans want to be God. Unfortunately, God is an Aries. You are generally tough to figure out because you answer every question with a question. Also, you won't come out from under the bed. Most Taureans love conflict. If nothing is wrong, then that in itself is something wrong. Some especially like bar fights. If they can't get into an actual bar fight, they will make up interesting stories about them which they can tell their friends right before they psychoanalyze them. If it weren't for Bazooka Joe and The Family Circus, Taureans wouldn't know what to do. You feel that you are going nowhere in life. You are probably right. Milwaukee is full of Taureans. Taureans are impatient and pushy. They are in a tremendous hurry to get to the nowhere that they intend to go to. They make little dioramas of their homes, complete with tiny effigies of the people they know, and act out scenarios of the way things would be if they were God.
Gemini
Everyone loves a Gemini because everyone loves a schizophrenic. You like to think that you are a half-and half mixture of Socrates and Michelangelo, but in reality it's more like Prince and Bea Arthur. You are progressive, outgoing, and one of the most popular rides at Cedar Point. However, you can and will negate all of this by the time you're finished reading this sentence. Geminis drive funny cars. They often drive them into trees or buildings. Geminis are pushy and overbearing. They pick fights with small children and moon people at weddings. They like to use Libras as punching bags. A bisexual Gemini is a walking double date. The rest are hermaphrodites. Geminis vandalize their own houses.
Geminis use far-fetched analogies to describe philosophical concepts. Geminis rarely compete in the Olympics. When they do, it is usually pool or air hockey. Frogger turns up as well. Geminis are always on some sort of medication. This medication is not always legal. Gemini is Latin for "I'm okay, I'm okay." Geminis speak very loudly in order to be heard. This is unfortunate as they are nearly always talking to themselves. In fact, they often pick animated arguments with themselves in the bathtub. The most famous Gemini in history is Orville and Wilbur Wright. Geminis are frequently abidextrous, which means that they can pick both sides of their noses at the same time. The Gemini is essentially nothing more than a paranoid Aquarius.
Cancer
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. However, you tend not know know what's going on in your own. If you are lucky, your friends will tell you. Cancerians only get dressed because they have to, and their fashion sense can only be described as "erratic." You are more likely than any other sign in the zodiac (except Pisces, who does not iron) to iron your clothes by sleeping with them sandwiched between the mattress and box-spring. Likewise, you can stretch one pair of underwear out for almost a month. Your home is like your very own Biodome, and you can remain indoors for months at a time. Despite your need to be everyone's savior, you need no social interaction. SWAT teams often show up, mistakenly thinking there's a hostage situation.
A Cancer is like a walking Ladies' Home Journal, quick on the draw with shortcake recipes and helpful hints on how to talk to your teen. Whether they know it or not, they are all born with an exceptional talent for cross-stitch. So much for buying the world a Coke - they would breast-feed the world if they could. This trait is not gender-specific. You will never excel in sports because you have to rest for fifteen minutes every time you breathe. You do not mind, since you plan to conduct your career from the comfort of your own bed. You maintain your questionable health through a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and beer. You also imbibe a great deal of Pepto-Bismol in order to confuse your numerous ulcers. People walk on you often. Actually, not often - all the time. If you think someone is screwing you, you're probably right. The most entertaining thing about this is that you like it. You strive to be a doormat. Cancerians coin their own words to describe philosophical concepts. This is why it is no surprise that George W. Bush is a Cancer. Cancerians have minimal influence over their friends, even though they show up with homemade soup to remedy every minor or major tragedy. However, they wield their power through the fact that they know what everyone is thinking at any given time. This is why they are never invited to parties. Cancerians claim to be "tactful". The word for this is actually "shiftless". Cancerians are always appointed to take their drunken, drooling friends home. These friends are usually Pisceans
Leo
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. Self-immolation is not out of the question. You like to kiss mirrors a lot. Genghis Khan was a Leo, and so is Barney the Dinosaur. People still love Lucy, but less because she was a Leo. Leos will interrupt conversation to talk, and they will place themselves bodily in the way of someone who is trying to leave before the Leo is finished saying what he or she needs to say. All Leos want parades on their birthdays. Leos never marry because no one is good enough for them. If they do marry, they keep their spouses locked under the bathroom sink. They need physical affection at all times; unfortunately, they can't find any because everyone thinks they are irritating punks. This is why so many of the people arrested for necrophilia are Leos.
A Leo uses himself as an example of the Overman in order to describe philosophical concepts. Some Leos decide to be homosexual even if they aren't, because they think this gives them shock value. It actually means that neither gender will want to hook up with them. In actuality, anything besides a romantic evening with themselves is considered a step down for the Leo. Leos open doors by screaming at them. They expect their Clappers to applaud when they enter a room. Leos are said to resemble lions. This means that they are loud, have cleft upper lips and slimy noses, and s**t under trees as they walk. They snack on monkeys while watching "Entertainment Tonight". Humility frightens Leos. That is why Jesus was a Capricorn, Buddha was an Aries, and so forth. However, "radical cult leader" is not out of the question. Leos like to start fights with Aries. They will stomp and bloody each other regardless of whether or not they are in public. In fact, the Leos usually prefer it. You will see these fights taking place at bars, sporting events, fashion shows, or Taco Bell. If you are a clever Capricorn, you will sell tickets. Don't worry about hanging posters--Leo will take care of that in advance. Aquarians hang posters of rock stars on their walls. Scorpios hang posters of famous disasters on their walls. Capricorns hang posters of great mathematicians on their walls. Pisceans hang posters of unicorns on their walls. Leos hang posters of themselves on their walls.
Virgo
You are a pain in the ***. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor.
Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ***. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
Libra
You are oh-so-elegant and tasteful to the point of incurring nausea from loved ones. You are also bipolar as hell and can't make a decision on your own. You usually consult your therapist or TV Guide. Libras are trendy and malleable folks. They are funny because they will glom onto something they hated before if it suddenly becomes fashionable. Velour is not entirely lost upon these people. Libras eat a lot of ethnic food from cultures they don't understand. They single-handedly started the cappucino movement. Ask them why, and they will claim something unintelligible about solidarity. You constantly worry about what other people think. If you really paid any attention, maybe people would like you more. Libras use quotes from David Mamet plays to describe philosophical concepts. Then they have those concepts engraved upon nice little wallet cards.
The Libran interest in current events ends with the J. Crew catalog. They don't eat fast food or have any clue where their trash goes. They have other people tie their expensive shoes. Only two Libras have ever been found in thrift stores. All of their bell-bottoms were color-coordinated to match their lamé turtlenecks. Libras are always on the cutting edge of what the rest of us think is absolute pretentious bulls**t. They have huge collections of CDs they've never even listened to. Libras give to designer charities. Hollywood is full of Libras. You are the reason butterfly hairpins and parachute pants have made a comeback. Next on the list is those big jam shorts. You probably never threw out your old pair. Hang on to your Winger t-shirt too. Get a Libra as drunk as possible and he or she will still be able to explain the difference between café latté and café au lait. This is peculiar as the rest of us know that there is no difference at all.
Scorpio
You got into computers early so you could use made-up, bulls**t terminology and get away with it. Most hackers are Scorpios, as are most people who think they're going to find fame on a chat board. You embarrass Libras because you like your coffee straight out of the bag, eaten with a spoon. You may have actually snorted Chock Full o' Nuts at one time in your life. You take your paranoid beatnik approach to life very seriously. Many Scorpios have found ways to successfully smoke in the shower. Your number-one grudge is about never having been abducted by aliens, or being the victim of a government conspiracy. Most of those fake virus warnings or cash offers from Bill Gates are your attempt to stir something up. Ironically, Bill Gates is a Scorpio. The fully-automated barracks he lives in should clear up any doubt.
Your master plan for world domination will never work because it involves you at the helm. It is hard for you to accept that Star Trek is fiction, and you are not a Borg leader. Scorpios use expletives to describe philosophical concepts. It's no wonder that Halloween falls smack in the middle of the Scorpio range. This is the only time of year when fake hauntings, sugar-induced hysteria, and impersonating Dr. Who won't get you arrested. Scorpios have strong sex drives, because it gives them yet another opportunity to smoke. Scorpios have much advice to give on matters that are of no concern to them. If you want to find out if someone is a Scorpio, ask them a pertinent question. Five minutes of silence later, the answer will be "I'm sorry, what?" Scorpios are often hairy and feel that this makes them more virile. This is especially true of Scorpio women. Scorpios cheat at the lottery. If it's automated, they can hack it.
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
Capricorn
Capricorns are hardworking, reliable, and dull as hell. They are always on the move, headed to their next delusion of grandeur. They are often good at math which explains why they are such pains in the ***. René Descartes was a great mathematician and a crappy philosopher, so he must have been a Capricorn. Stephen Hawking is even more Capricorn because he's all of the above and a pompous S.O.B. to boot. Sure, he's overcome a lot of obstacles etc. etc., but even in perfect health you can't overcome being a Capricorn. Most politicians are Capricorns, which is why our country is always in the hole. It is not surprising that politicians need so much security around them all the time. Capricorns are like a strange cross between a Leo and a Virgo. They think that this makes them both charismatic and logical. In reality, it means that they are tight-assed and nitpicky, and have to keep their egos in the backyard.
In the event of nuclear war, only cockroaches and Capricorns would find a way to survive. The rest of us just don't want to live in a world like that. The nation's ******** system of toll roads was probably designed by a freakin' Capricorn. They learn how to screw the public over at an early age. Their parents buy them books of law for Christmas so they can underline the loopholes. Capricorns cannot even fathom, much less describe, philosophical concepts because they don't involve equations. (See comments about Descartes and Hawking above) Capricorns own lots of Filofaxes and other tools to organize the lives they do not have. They love to be seen talking on their cell phones. These phones are not actually turned on because Capricorns don't have any friends to call. Capricorns went out of style in 1989. They still believe that Trump was a visionary. Most of the people arrested for counterfeiting are Capricorns
Aquarius
The Aquarius loves a party. Anytime, anywhere is their motto. It is not unlikely that an Aquarius will consider a wake a good place to meet chicks. Aquarians tend to be nostalgic about the 1960s because that was the last time they could be naked in public and get away with it. Aquarians love to be naked. It is even better if they are naked and crocked. 97.4% of the Night Train consumed in the past thirty years has been consumed by Aquarians. Almost every Aquarian will claim to have seen Jerry Garcia's image in their Froot Loops at least once. Froot Loops is a very Aquarian cereal. So is Rice Krispies, since it will engage in a friendly chat with the Aquarian as he or she is eating breakfast. Count Chocula is off-limits, however. It belongs to the Scorpios. Aquarians are the only people in the zodiac who can play volleyball with themselves. And they frequently do.
Aquarians use the phrase "Dude, man..." frequently when describing philosophical concepts. Aquarians have out-of-body experiences on a daily basis. If you are talking to an Aquarian and he or she zones out, consider the conversation hopeless. He or she is talking to the guy three feet away from you. Aquarians are fun because they channel people. Plus, if you tell them to, they will run around naked. Aquarians like astronomy because they've been to all those places. If you want to know what the food is like on Saturn, ask an Aquarius. They can also walk on water if they try really really hard. This usually happens in the bathtub. Aquarians can allow themselves every possible vice on the planet, and don't think twice about it. That is why they piss everyone else off. They are cosmically entitled to do this. Most rock stars are Aquarians.
Pisces
Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. You are deeply confused by the idea of sex. As far as you are concerned, if it didn't happen in "The Velveteen Rabbit", it doesn't exist. Piscean women wear long floaty dresses and enormous amounts of unusual silver jewelry. On hikes. Pisceans claim to love the stars, but the only constellation they can find is the Big Dipper. If they cannot find it, they cry. You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address. You have no sense of direction. The people you find going in reverse at 70 m.p.h. on the expressway are usually Pisceans. Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck. That is, of course, unless they live with a Cancer.
Pisceans are so zoned and perpetually endangered that they can bring out the maternal instincts of a Leo. Don't be fooled, however; many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your *** and the asses of your four imaginary friends. While Leos tend to achieve the most fame in the field of entertainment, Pisceans strive to achieve historical greatness by sheer fluke. They are proud to tell you that Michelangelo, Galileo, George Washington, and Albert Einstein, none of whom had an agent, were all Pisceans. What they won't tell you is that so is Ted Kennedy. Pisceans claim to want "honest criticism" of their work. Then they commit hara-kiri on the floor when you say you don't like it. Never try to use logic with a Pisces; he or she is living about three feet off of the natural ground or in Narnia. Their tools of debate are non-sequiturs, quotes from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and, of course, crying. It wouldn't matter what linguistic devices Pisceans use to describe philosophical concepts because they aren't positive they know what they're talking about anyway. You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like. Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want.
What's your zodiac sign? (Is this true about you)?
taurus in the house. lol
i guess it ..kinda sounds like me
(im not only saying that cuz taurus sounds bad there)
but.. it's partly true.. the other half is like "wat? o.O`"
Reply:OMG this was so true for me (taurus) and I know a little bit about astrology and I found it SOO true. ALL OF IT! HILARIOUS. Report It
Reply:Please tell me where you found this! Report It
Reply:I am a Cancer and that didn't really sound like me. A few parts, but not really.
Reply:not all of it, i am always changing my mind, im on meds, but im not a partier, im quiet, im a good driver
Gemini
Reply:I think you have a Bundle o' Problems. :)
Reply:capricorn and very true on some things
Reply:I'm a libra, and it is semi-accurate (not completely, though).
Reply:yes i am saggi and some of it is true...very true infact
Reply:cancer
Reply:Sag, and that's 100% correct.
Reply:Im Virgo, and im the opposite lol!! I was born on the cusp of Libra though, so i'll read that one and come back . .
Uh, no. not true either lol!!
Reply:thanks so im a sagi born into the wrong gender. i think i shall throw expensive food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but maby u have a point. my avatar is male and i am female
Reply:Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church.
Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
nope i dont see anything similar except i am very stylish... lol jk
Reply:I am a Scorpia and yes it is true.
Reply:The Taurus one doesn't sound like me at all, sorry.
Reply:im Libran... and no.. im not that kind of person as mentioned.. lol
Reply:i'm virgo..yup
Reply:Some was true! Some definitely was not!
Reply:Gemini, no that dosent describe me.
Reply:am a Leo !!!
think i am gonna go kill myself now
all the best
Ian :)
Reply:pisces..so true!! especially:
You cry over dead animals in the road but feel no remorse about mowing down humans you don't like.
You remember what you were wearing on March 3rd, 1981 but forget your own address.
many Pisceans can surprise you by kicking your ***
Pisceans are most likely to die by falling out of a window or getting run over by a truck.
Reply:I'm a taurean.
i'm completely open n honest. i've grown t b somewhat comfortable wit myself, i'm a nature girl, i'm very passive cuz i'm skinny n couldn't win if i tried t fight, i second guess my inner beauty as i think i'm imperfect n somewhat insufficient, but with almost every person i meet, i am reassured i'm a beautiful spirit, so no, it's not true, i don't think my zodiac sign defines me, but socialization does.
Reply:Taurus
Some true some not.. I'm a mix of all i guess
Reply:scorpio. no not at all
Reply:OMGAWDDDDD !!!!!!!! that was hilarious... (Scorpio) here
I really do eat coffee out of the bag with a spoon, no kidding.. I don't swear (alot), or hack, or play lottery. I have a high sex drive, and don't ever tell me that Star Trek isn't real , or Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, or all those movies I love..
and yes, I am waiting to be abducted by aliens.. but they don't find me much of a challenge..or interesting.
I don't smoke...
Reply:leo
i do do the things about tlkin like buttin in to convos n i thought bout lockin my bf up in the bathroom cupboard but i wus extremly shocked because all the things about leos being physco, crazy, and self-absorbed are far from the truth! its crazy to post such rude things n u should b ashamed of urself. this was the rudest thing ive read on this website.
i agree w/ erin this is mean!
that necrophillia (learn to spell) thing was extremly disgusting! n how would u possibly kno (u or the stupid person u got this from) those kind of statistics! ur insane n u probably have tons o problems!
o n also i may b loud buh i dont have a cleft upper lip, slimmy nose, n i sure as HECK dont crap under trees...
Reply:libra. all true.
Reply:i am an aries and im stubborn as hell... so that much is right.. my best friend is a scorpio and we get on great so that bit is wrpng.,.
Reply:I am an Aquarius... Most of what u said was true... dude, man that was some real $hit...
Reply:I'm a Pisces. Only a couple things could be true if you tried to compare to a rare event in my life. But mostly, not even close.
But, a friend of mine who is very into astrology says I am very unlike a Pisces and was probably meant to be something else.
Reply:picsec or summin like that
Reply:Wow, reading this I wish I wasn't a Saggitarian. All the things about being a Saggitarian were negative! THUNDERPOOPER? Although that might be true. :0 I am not a true adventurer!
brest cancer
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