Guinness book of records - women?

Car Parking





The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova %26#039;Swing%26#039; on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lamp posts.





Incorrect Driving





The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.








Shop Dithering





The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for ?12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard%26#039;s window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.





Jumble Sale Massacre





The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991. When the doors opened at 10.00am, the initial scramble to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The jumble sale raised ?5.28 for local boy scouts.





Talking about Nothing





Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to 7th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and toilet visits. Throughout the whole time no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever. The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs. Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs. Booth remembered she%26#039;d left the bath running.





Gossiping





On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat, during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with the butcher. After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2.10pm, Mrs. Banbury immediately began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2.30pm, she had told 128 people of the news. By 2.50pm it had risen to 372 and by 4.00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair, including the local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting circles, a coach load of American tourists which she flagged down and the butcher%26#039;s wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to bed at 11.55pm that night, Mrs.Blatherwick%26#039;s affair was common knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley Stadium.





Group Toilet Visit





The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.





Film Confusion





The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch %26#039;The Ipcress File%26#039;. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking %26quot;Is he a goodie or a baddie then, him in the glasses ?%26quot;, revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of %26#039;633 Squadron%26#039; before asking %26quot;Is this a war film ?%26quot;.





Single Breath Sentence





An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath. Mrs.Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument she%26#039;d had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow but was released later after check-ups. At the peak of her mammoth motor mouth marathon, she achieved an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs. Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and indignant spasms.





Shop Dithering





The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for ?12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard%26#039;s window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually going home.





Most Shops Visited before returning to the first one (doubles)





The largest number of shops visited before returning to the first shop, accompanied by a husband, is 182, achieved by Mrs A Thompson (GB) in Newcastle, on August 3rd1982. Shops visited included 43 that didnt even sell shoes (the goods she was searching for), marking Mrs Thompson a real pro, and earning her the title of European Champion also. Her husband was periodically heard to say %26quot;yes Dear, no Dear%26quot;.





Driving too close...





The record for the longest time period sat in a car without uttering %26quot;your driving to close...%26quot; is held by a Mrs Shipham of Cheltenham. On 18th August 1996 her husband agreed to take her shopping in London and it was on this journey that she clocked up a whole 2 hours 21 minutes 43 seconds before breaking the silence. Even though it has been confirmed that 2 hours 21 minutes and 33 seconds of that was spent sleeping - the record is still valid according to Guinness officiators.

Guinness book of records - women?
Brilliant, I loved reading it. I recon my ex-wife might challenge some of those records. LOL
Reply:That%26#039;s funny. I think I might be married to all of them. I%26#039;m kidding of course. (My wife might read this.)
Reply:toooooooooooooooo long
Reply:Shop Dithering is double...





very long...
Reply:I read every single one of them and I enjoyed every single one of them. I think this joke is only for people with a good attention span....star for u
Reply:If you have any more jokes like this one - please do NOT put them on this site.





I have a reputation of being a grumpy old sod and you are going to ruin the illusion.





My wife almost caught me laughing - I had to pretend I was coughing!





She%26#039;s now told me I can%26#039;t have any more peanuts in case I choke to death - and it%26#039;s all YOUR fault.
Reply:make that 2 stars. lmao!!!!!!!!! soooooo funny. my husband will like this one.
Reply:Cant Deny theyre the best thing God ever made ,anyway
Reply:LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Thanks for the info, your hands and fingers must be aching after all that typing.
Reply:I understand them poor women,my first attempt to pass my driving test, I bumped a road worker up the *** well he %26#039;seemed to want to take a closer look at what he was doing.


And I was JUST being helpful to....nice one..lol. GOOD ONE
Reply:OK, you made me laugh.
Reply:I lost interest less than half way through......boring!
Reply:This is freakin%26#039; hilarious and probably not as far fetched as it may seem.
Reply:Thanks


and whats the question??
Reply:Those are great, wish I could have given you more than 1 star!
Reply:And the point is ???????
Reply:Hehehe, that was a great one hun, pmsl





Have a star





xxxxxxxxxxxx





P.S. dont worry ladies i%26#039;m getting my own back, watch out for mine, soon
Reply:very long and a bit sexist.
Reply:the question is how much can u read!! hahaha
Reply:bit long winded and you repeated one of them but pretty funny nevertheless.



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