Read my story please!!!!?

Tell me what u think of it. Make sure its about the story. tell me what%26#039;s needs to be improved.





Chapter 1


My brother, Nathaniel, and I, Guilianna (JU*LEE*ANNA) ran down stairs at 5:57am quietly, we weren’t supposed to wake them until 6 o’clock am.


We sat around the Christmas tree. There were at least 40 presents around the tree. We were a middle class family but rich at the same time. Well, my dad explains it better than I do.


While sitting there, I got up and got the old radio from the cold basement that belonged to my great grandma and turned on the Christmas station. The song “Rocking around the Christmas Tree” was playing and I was singing along to it. Everyone said I had I nice voice but I didn’t believe them. Them meaning my two, still in love parents.


My brother said, “Look at this present it’s HUGE!” He grabbed a present that was as big as nightstand and had his name written in black permanent marker, it looked a lot like my mom’s cursive hand writing but I didn’t bother to tell him because I was trying to concentrate on my singing and because I knew he would find out that Santa wasn’t real. I did and I knew it all along.


He started to open it, but I smacked it from his hands, and snatched it. “No, not yet!”


Then he yelled loud enough to get our mom to come downstairs, “MOM! Guilie (JU*LEE) hit me!” We were an Italian and German family, and all the usual.


“No I didn’t! He’s lying!”


The hallway light beamed on the upside down L stair case and I saw my mother’s skinny shadow getting closer to the wall.


She came downstairs, tying up her blue silk robe. “What is going on here?” she asked in an irritating voice.


“Guilie hit me. Hit me baaad, momma,” he whined.


I rolled my eyes. Mom walked over and picked up my 3 year old brother and told me, “Guilie go in your room and take a shower, and get ready for church.”


“Fine.”


I followed my mom upstairs; Nathaniel was starting to fell asleep again because my mom was singing a lullaby and rubbing his back.


At the beginning of the top of the staircase, was the 1st bathroom, were my dad was shaving.


“Judy, wake the boy up, we can’t be late for church today.”


My mom turned her head to me and said, “Go get ready,” in a strict tone. I walked into my bedroom and started to notice that my parents weren’t much in love.


12 minutes later I was in the shower and my mom was knocking on the door but I couldn’t pick up what she was saying


“Guilie, telephone!”


“What?!”


“Guilie telephone…NOW!”


“WHAT?!”


“TELEPHONE!’


“Oh, coming!”


I stepped out the shower, grabbed my pink cotton robe, opened my bathroom door, grabbing the phone and passing my mother by.


“Guilie turn off the shower,” she demanded.


“I can’t I have a phone call.”


“Oh please, it’s just your aunt.”


I rolled my eyes jumping on my bed.


“Hello this is Guilianna Helios”


“Hi, it’s your aunt, Ashley.”


“Oh, hi, are you coming to church?” I asked in a very bubbly voice, I always felt calmer when my aunt was there to settle things.


“Um, no not today sweetheart. I have to go to the hospital.”


“Why are you hurt?”


“No just your normal check-up.”


“Oh, well are you coming with us to pick-up grandma Rosemaria after church?”


“Yep. You guys will go home, get out of your church clothes, and your mom and I will cook breakfast. So I’ll see you there after you guys get back.”


“Okay,” I alleged in a sweet voice.


“I guess your upset that you can’t open any present’s yet, huh?”


“Yeah.”


“Well I have a present for you.”


“Really? Can I open it now?”


Ashley laughed. “Of course not sweetheart.”


I looked at my mom she was standing in the doorway of my bathroom leaning her head against my door, holding a dirty cleaning rag and staring at me in a weird way. The shower was still on.


“Ashley, I have to go.”


“Okay hon, bye.”


I put the black cordless, heavy phone on my nightstand.


“Mom, are you okay?”


She snapped and shrugged, “Yeah, turn off the shower please, and you still have soap on the back of her head.” She left my room closing the door.


Why was everyone acting so weird? I asked myself. I put that question aside, dried off my hair slowly, and went into my closet picking out a black baby doll dress that stopped and a half an inch above the knees, and black ballerina shoes, putting my long brown hair into a ponytail. After I was done I went downstairs, and watched TV until the rest of my family came down.














“I think I see a parking space right over there,” pointed out my mother looking around the busy church parking lot. Cars of all sizes were moving in, barely any moving out, families of 2,3,4,5, etc were getting out of there cars and walking across streets to get into the church, which slowed down cars even more.


We drove around the parking lot for five minutes but found a spot right by Green family, who lived in another county but didn’t have a church in their county.


Both families got out and met up by the front door. And I tell you it took a very long time because of the traffic.


“Good morning, Mr. and Ms.Green,” greeted my dad half way bowing. The green family included the 37 year old parents, Tom and Claire, their two twin daughters Emily and Emma, my best friends, and my boyfriend, josh, who’s only two years older then me 14.


My mom was smiling with her lime green suit with skin color sandals. My brother was playing with Josh; they were both dressed in black tuxedos. Emily, Emma, and I started talking and wives chatted with wives and husbands chatted with husbands.


While Emma, Emily, and I were chatting about Ashley’s new boyfriend, Kevin, Josh snuck up behind me and gave me a surprise kiss on my cheek.


“We’ll leave you alone,” said Emma.


“No stay!” I yelled, catching jus in time before they walked off.


“So, what were you ladies talking about?” asked Josh


“Kevin.” I replied.


“Oh…that super MEGA hot-tie!”


All of us girls laughed.


“Shut up,” I demanded playfully, gently hitting him. “He is just my aunt’s boyfriend.”


“Yeah, your aunt’s hot boyfriend.”


They all laughed, except for me, I stood there calm yet nervous just smiling.








We got back at 10 o’clock. My feet and throat were sore, I sung a solo in front a huge crowd of 1,000 people, and I was almost standing the whole time praying.


As my dad opened the door, a huge thing of a snow storm came rushing in. It was a blizzard outside.


“Okay, Guilie, go upstairs and change out of your church clothes and help your brother,” stipulated my mom.


My brother and I ran downstairs while, my father and mom chatted in their bedroom, changing…gross.


“Judy, you have to tell her. I mean I want to have another baby of our own again I can’t believe Nathan was our only one.”


“I will…”


“You keep saying that-“


“I know-“


“I’m GETTING OLD!”


I was unbuttoning Nathaniel’s blue shirt when I heard my father, little did they know, I was getting old of hiding something. After I was done with getting Nathaniel dressed, I went into my bathroom and held up my sweatshirt and t-shirt and touched my stomach. I had 3 pregnancy tests lying at the end of my bathroom counter, they all said yes. A tear shed down my cheek. I heard a bedroom door open then close.


“Guilianna, are you ready?” bawled my mom.


“Yes!”


“Let’s go.” We all scrambled downstairs and into the car to go pick-up grandma Rosemaria.








The car was loud even though I was listening to my iPod and my mom and dad were talking, and my brother was listening, like normal. We still didn’t open any presents.


“For 12 years we kept it a secret, from a child that’s even ours…for 12 years I’ve had to say I love when I didn’t mean it.”


“She’s my sister’s child; I had to take her in. Ash was too young to have a kid. Unfortunately, Guilianna was her kid. Ashley put her up for adoption and she told me that she wanted to adopt it, so I did.”


“GUILIANNA’S ADOPTED!” screeched Nathaniel, loud enough for me to hear. Little did they know that he was pretending to be asleep?


I took my headphones off of my ears and said, “What?”


“Nothing,” held my mom.


“Judy tell her!” insisted my dad.


“Guilianna, I’m not really your mom. Ashley is. She got pregnant when she was 24 and she was still a party all night drink all day every day. She finally went to rehab when she found out she was pregnant and after her boyfriend broke up with her…She came out and she put up for adoption and she said she wanted me to adopt her. I was in the birthing room. I cut your umbilical cord…”


She started to cry covering her mouth.


“Oh, shut up!”


“GUILIE!” shrieked my dad.


“Please, she’s not even my mother, why should I listen to her?!”


“As long as you’re under our roof, you will follow our rules!”


“Oh, Mark, don’t yell at her!”


After I angrily put my headphones back on, turning up the music louder and louder as she kept calling my name.


“Guilie…”


“GUILIE…”


“Guilie!!!!!!!!!”


Nathaniel cried, “Gudie not my sister!” He cried very hard, all the way their.


I cried too.














Judy pulled up into Grandma Rosemaria’s driveway, there was my mom playing with the Golden retriever, Scoot.


I got out of the car while it was still moving.


“Guilianna!” yelled Judy.


As I walked pass my real mom I said, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” but I stopped walking furiously to give my grandma a hug. “Could you go get my bags, dear?”


“Of course,” I replied. I stopped smiling and stormed in the house with Scoot following me. My mom’s smile faded.


Once Nathaniel was free from his car seat he ran to my mom and said, “Gudie’s not my sister anymore!”


“Oh.” She put him down. Nathaniel ran in the house to play with Scoot. Mark and Judy stood in the driveway. All faces were different and unexplained. I was watching from my grandmother’s upstairs bedroom window holding her medication bottle. Nathaniel was also in our grandma’s room, except he was rubbing Scoot’s tummy.


My mom’s arms were crossed; she sucked in her tan cheeks, and inquired, “Why the hell did you tell my daughter…now.”


“Nathaniel heard.”


“Even I know, he’s an eavesdropper Judy!!”


“Oh, so now you’re telling me how to raise my kid!”


“NO…just…never mind! You promised me that you wouldn’t tell her until graduation. We would tell her together. This was supposed to be happy. This was the plan and you didn’t stick to it!!”


“Oh, like you had a plan! Having sex with complete strangers then getting pregnant with a girl who is TOTALLY gifted and smart and-and-beautiful!!”


My face light up and softened.


“You know I went to rehab and tried to do everything for her!”


“YEAH, well leaving her to your sister and acting as her aunt I really just showing you tried. Really.”


Judy pulled Mark into the house.


“Guilie AND Nathaniel LETS MOVE IT!”


“Okay! “ Nathaniel and I said at the same time. I was happy as I came downstairs holding my grandmother’s bag of medications and blankets.


I was the last kid to come down stairs and I hugged Judy and kissed on the cheek.


“I love you,” she said.


“I love you too. Both of you,” I replied back. I couldn’t believe what came out of Mark’s mouth next. “Even though I never had the uncle and niece relationship. The one we have now is even better. I love you too. “


My mom stood in the doorway. She clapped her hands together and announced, “Grandma Rosemaria is in the car, is everyone ready to go?”


“I need to make a phone call.”


Ashley: “Okay, Guilie. Take you time.”


Judy: “Yeah we’ll be in the car waiting.”


As soon as the family of three walked out, my mom grabbed my face and tried too kiss m but I rejected it.


She went out to her car looking mad, and disappointed..

Read my story please!!!!?
It%26#039;s a good story. There are quite a few small typos that need to be fixed. Sometimes you use a word that is very close to what you mean but not the right word like; were vs. where, fell vs. fall, light vs. lit, that sort of thing. In a couple of places you change tense from first person narrative to third and I don%26#039;t think you meant to do that. You say Josh is two years older than Guilie and he%26#039;s 14, or is it Guilie who%26#039;s 14. That%26#039;s definitely unclear. Either way, isn%26#039;t she awfully young to be pregnant. Shouldn%26#039;t she confide in somebody? Does Josh know? This is a very important part of your story and could use more attention. It needs some polishing but it%26#039;s basically well written.



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